WORD NERDS: this is NOT your nanay's blog

black, white, whatever
by Kelly Zen-Yie Tsai

a humble memo to the candidates for the presidency of the united states of america:

dear campaign-trail-stomping, advertisement-fundraising, perfect-hair-having,
mudslinging-with-a-smile-so-as-to-not-make-it-look-like-mudslinging candidates for
the presidency of the united states of america in 2008, the year of our lord,

i, kelly zen-yie tsai, current resident of kings county, brooklyn, and previously of
precinct 47 on chicago’s south side would like to make a request for myself and
others like myself to be enumerated in all further speeches, debates, and
miscellaneous communications with the american public at large.

now, this could be in reference to our nation of ben and jerry’s chunky monkey ice
cream eaters or our nation of  women under five foot one and a half with slightly
napoleonic tendencies, this could be in reference to our nation of salt ‘n pepa’s
blacks magic fans or those who have not yet learned to skateboard, this could be in
reference to our nation of janice dickinson modeling agency-watchers or beginning
gazpacho-makers, or vegetarians who have (unfortunately) recently turned pescetarian

and although these categories above would be accurate, the nation that i would like
you to refer to is even less of a statistical minority, and a fairly obvious one,
and that would be:

Asian

oh, oh, oh, i know you may balk about how many Asians you have taken money from or
how many Asian events you have attended, but in 2008, the year of our lord – i would
like to banish, in your words, the term: “black, white, whatever” to the garbage can
of mass media rhetoric forever.

even worse than this is, in your words:

“we believe in the rights of all people black, white, blue, purple, green, silver – “

now, i consider myself a fairly well-traveled and informed person and yet i don’t
think that blue or purple or green or silver people exist, but in fact, brown and
yellow and red people do.

we may not call ourselves these things, but if we are going to essentialize to the
colors of the rainbow and relegate ourselves to stuffing communities into these
sloppy pots.  i would like to point out that “whatever” does not represent me, nor
does blue or purple or green or  silver for that matter.

and you may scream well, we can’t talk about everybody’s problems and that much is
true, but i am a sucker for specificity and when it comes down to whether or not
i actually exist and furthermore whether my heart, my uterus, my tax return, and my
generation will be represented by your whack ass --

i would like to say:  i’m real.  i’m here.  i’m voting.  and believe me, this girl
is yellow. 

// posted by Janice @ 9:05 AM