WORD NERDS: this is NOT your nanay's blog

I cannot listen to this song. Maybe you can.


Not that I despise it, I just can't listen light-heartedly. I don't think I've ever listened to this song with dry eyes, if you know what I mean. When I was younger, I could never understand how I could learn to love a man I didn't know.

I get so angry... even still. I swear, I can't get past the second verse without turning tension into a fist that clamors against a 14-year absence. I can't sit still while welling up with memories of constructing Father's Day cards for no one but the sake of completing a second-grade assignment. Everyone else had a recipient.

I can't cry for the Pinays that Danced With Their Fathers on their eighteenth birthday celebrations. I wouldn't dare give them my tears. This song is for those who don't have their fathers with them. I have carried resentment for watching them mock my sorrow. I don't hate you for having a father, I hate that you misconstrued the meaning.

I remember all of it. The EMTs, ambulance that carried you away, the kids in the apartment complex gathering around and gazing at the spectacle of firetruck. I remember their marvels at men in uniforms and the shame I felt. I can easily recall my stoic self. How heroic it must have felt to be so numb. I wish I could be that strong now. I never got to say goodbye. I'm sorry.

A heart attack does not stop love.


x_magsalita.

Labels: pinay, storytime, vignettes