WORD NERDS: this is NOT your nanay's blog

oh heck no

2009-03-26T15:36:00.000-07:00

I don't care if this was supposed to be funny, or a critique of the ways that Asians and Asian Americans are seen in the United States. I really don't care. Sometimes, satire doesn't work. And other times, arousing humor is not the best way to begin what needs to be a very serious discussion about race and gender politics.

Mixed Company, an a capella group at Yale University, may have taken their trip back to their roots as a sketch comedy and singing group a little too far. What do you think?:

Don't even get me started on the out of sync dancing, sexual innuendo or the Model Minority Myth allusions. This is not funny, it's reprehensible.

A Taste of the Philippines?

2009-02-19T11:07:00.000-08:00

There's been a lot of buzz on the Internet lately around Anthony Bourdain's show called No Reservations on the Travel Channel. The show recently featured cuisine from the Philippines, where Bourdain really got some home-cooked food from those who make the same dishes daily. After looking at his travel itinerary and reading his own qualms with his visit, it seems as though Bourdain got a taste of only three large cities. Manila, Angeles City and Cebu were food stops and locations of host restaurants. Some highlights were the various pork dishes - which he seemed to enjoy since he named the Philippines #1 on his Hierarchy of Pork, his opinion listing the best tasting and best cooked pork.

Did anyone else see the show? What did you think? Do you think this is a step towards visibility for Pilipina/o Americans? Given the anthropological nature of the show, is this "white-man-exploring-a-native-culture" narrative valid? Are Pilipina/os being further typecasted or honored in culinary arts as chefs, cooks or servants?

There were times when only Pilipino men could join come to the United States if they joined the navy as petty officers, band musicians, firemen and then only as stewards, mess attendants and cooks. As the linking between talented Pilipinos and their food becomes more evident in popular culture, it may be important to think about people like Pilipino American Dale Talde, who was a contestant on a Bravo's Top Chef who said that Filipino cuisine is "the next big thing that's gonna catch." Bourdain has caught on and built a strong Pilipina/o fan base with No Reservations (have you seen the intense amount of fan videos on YouTube?).

On Top Chef, Talde even made a halo-halo dessert dish! How's that for recognition and representation? But then think about when former U.S. President George W. Bush said to Philippines President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, "I am reminded of the great talent - of the Philippine-Americans when I eat dinner at the White House," alluding to his Pilipino chef. What does this mean?

Pilipinas/os are known and often praised for their food and work in the kitchen. Will we only be great when we are recognized at someone else's say-so in front of press and media? "You are what you eat," right? So are we just that?

i hope this never catches on

2009-02-16T01:54:00.001-08:00

I know that youtube-based posts are really lame, but this is ridiculous. Sometimes I wonder if the Jabbawockeez feel like they've sold their souls to commercialization. I'll support them, nonetheless. I also wonder if athletes-turned-performers can really make it without 1) concentrated cross-media criticism and 2) looking immensely awkward and out of place (ex: Shaq in this video).

You Go Pinay(s)!: Rin on the Rox

2009-02-15T23:37:00.000-08:00

I can't get enough of them. Tipped hats to another Filipina/o youtube phenomenon.

haha!

2009-01-29T15:19:00.001-08:00

forwarded from a professor

2009-01-20T09:34:00.001-08:00

http://www.jornada.unam.mx/2009/01/19/portada.pdf

It's HILARIOUS!

Filipinos in the Skittles Commercial?

2009-01-16T01:19:00.000-08:00

Not sure what to think of this. What do yall think?

2009-01-11T16:07:00.000-08:00

"A riot is the language of the unheard." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

I call the San Francisco Bay Area my Home. It's the center of my world, actually. But I know that I am lucky enough to have my family and I sleep and wake in safety provided by barriers of borders. At the same time, I know the cost of those imagined borders and how they are used to violently exclude. Now, the whole world is looking at my home. And I'm staring back and thinking about how similar the printed images on newspapers are; they're practically mirrored.

New Year's Day was my mother's birthday. It's also the same day that 22-year-old Oscar Grant was shot in the back by a Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) police officer. Also, bombing still continued in Gaza that day, showing no signs of change or letting up for the new year.

What happens when political, racial, and emotional lines are crossed? What creates disaster? What do you do with populations are waiting in unrest? Are tools for anger also tools for change? The world has been screaming for change, have we been listening? Current events and the like are no longer a matter of local versus global because there are battles to be fought both home and abroad.

Please educate yourselves and your community about these events. Try using Bay Area websites for more information on the Oakland Riots, the death of Oscar Grant and how you can help. Also try to look for international online resources for more information about the attack on the Gaza Strip by Israel.

Pinays & "Dogging"

2009-01-11T16:00:00.000-08:00

"Your friend always dogs me. I think she doesn't like me," middle and high school friends would assume about my then-best friend, Mary Joyce.* She used to get in trouble for her mug by teachers and girls on basketball courts alike.

"She doesn't dog people. She just looks like that," I would say to dissuade their reactive anger or hurt while protecting Mary Joyce at the same time.

This is the same logic and defense that's still employed by young Pinays that I've met in high school conference workshops and dialogue circles. "If you think I'm dogging you, just know that I'm not. My face just looks like that," a girl once said succinctly. I remember saying similar things for others to heed as warning. I didn't want them to get their feelings hurt over what I made to be nothing. I firmly believed that my homegirl just had a mean mug by nature. That is, until she looked at me with it.

We must have gotten in some kind of petty argument... like the kinds that couples go through (which means it was probably over nothing. See "Mad" by Ne-Yo). Perhaps we were arguing about boys, homework or maybe it was around the times that she left me at the mall by myself. Or, maybe it was when I left her at the mall by herself. Whatever it was, there was definitely some easily accessible, underlying and hovering tension that we could muster from our jagged friendship. All the times that we'd probably tucked away and placed under our hearts. The arguments were constant back-and-forths, jabs at each other's self-proclaimed Pinay pride (as ascribed on and contradictory to our AOL profiles and photo studio-ed out binder covers): I threw out the time she ditched me and my hair appointment with her for my first Prom, she threw it back at me saying that she deserved to have her own fun that night; I'll never forget the way she hung up on my first heartbreak for her own chance at first love, and likewise, she'll never let me live down the way I left her hanging as I ditched cotillion (or some dance) practice so that I could grab an after-school snack with a boy. She wasn't mad that I ditched, she was mad because she found out when we ended up at the same eatery down the block. I may never forgive myself for feeling ashamed to call her my friend after my auntie announced and denigrated witnessing her dually visible lower back and pelvic tattoo from a distance. Mary Joyce confided that she felt similarly when her mother told her to follow my footsteps to a university. We threw punches and took hits before Pacquiao ever made it big. Whatever the argument was - and there were many - I remember her subsequent "dogging" me when we didn't reach a resolution.

Dogging, like mean mugging or straight up hating is all the same. Usually, it's mistaken. Mary Joyce and I clashed the most in silence. That's when we didn't speak up, or when we made our assumptions and were left to think the worst and best of each other. Sometimes, we didn't allow space for a conversation because of this funk we'd created. We even shot stares at other females and got them in return. We've shared good times and we've grown from the pain that we shared and did unto each other. But there is always something deeper to discover. There is always a lesson to be learned. Our friendship wasn't necessarily deficient, we may have just had a lot of "downs" and then "ups." I've grown into Pinayism and will profess it so that my sisters could find validation in their trying times. It will be difficult to build esteem and beauty without remembering the glances and heated exchanges down hallways wedged in between smiles at home and school.

The movie Mean Girls and its girl world are certainly not relegated to suburban white females, although it does capture the essence of dogging and ensuing self-destruction which is evident in Pinays and the act of dogging. I've found that speaking up is only half the battle against such tension. We have a lot of healing to do. The act of "dogging" is widely recognized, performed yet seldom discussed as a community issue.

What do you think we can do about this? Do you/did you have similar/different experiences? Why do you think this happens?

* indicates a pseudonym

why my heart hurts...

2009-01-07T22:42:00.000-08:00

I'll write up on this soon. I just hate feeling helpless... powerless almost. I wanna be in the Bay. What would I do? What do you do with a population waiting in unrest? Are tools for anger also tools for change? I don't know. But I play with these words and questions and concepts all the time. How do I help? ...

coming soon

2008-12-30T10:52:00.000-08:00

El Vendedor de Alcatraces by Diego Rivera

I'll be back with the right words in 2009. Happy holidays!

Remembering Our Dead

2008-11-20T17:10:00.001-08:00

November 20, 2008 marks the 10th anniversary of Rita Hester’s murder, a Boston transgender woman whose brutal murder is still unsolved as many crimes against gay, lesbian, transgender and transsexual persons often are. Rita’s murder began the first visible evidence of hate-filled discrimination and violence against the transgender and transsexual community, as it sparked an online memorial for all of those in our community who have been murdered for being who they are, internally and externally.

“Remembering Our Dead” (www.rememberingourdead.org) is the first website dedicated to posting the names and stories of transgender and transsexual humans who have been killed for their gender identities and/or expressions. These names, however, are the ones for which we have accounts; many others are not reported or not classified as hate crimes based on gender identity.

Now, 10 years later, the tradition continues and so, too, do the murders of human beings who dare to live as they must: in a gender not assigned physically at birth, but assigned within the heart and spirit from conception.

On the 20th of each November we remember those who died—our dead.

What makes them ours? As a pre-op transsexual male, the murdered are my sisters and my brothers and, above all else, they are human beings who deserve to be honored, valued and remembered. But what makes them yours to remember, those of you of the Same Gender Loving community?

You must remember because we are cut from the same cloth, albeit of a different pattern. We desire the same human rights: that is, to love who we want, identify however we want, and express our sex or gender in whatever means comfortable and innate to our true selves. Transphobia is as alive and vicious of a monster as homophobia and oftentimes dwells in the same hearts and minds. To “them” we are all “freaks of nature,” “misfits,” unworthy and intolerable. To “them” our civil rights are not their civil rights; our lives are not worth as much as their own; our love is not love. To this, we must stand together and become responsible for one another, collectively.

They are our dead because, as the living, we still have a voice, and we must speak loudly and unwaveringly to end homophobia and transphobia in our time and for our next generation.

As you awake on November 20th, remember Rita Hester from 1998 and remember Duanna Johnson murdered on November 10, 2008 and all those past, present and future. In nations across the world people are gathering to remember those needlessly killed by hate: www.transgenderdor.org, is a site that has a listing of where you can get involved in your region.

On November 20th, this year and every year, stand up and be heard, because our dead cannot.

Remember.

http://www.atypical.net/archive/2002/11/20/4th-annual-day-of-remembrance – Article on Rita Hester.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/18/us/18memphis.html?em – Article on Duanna Johnson.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wy4EAigSBw – video titled “Hate Crimes in 2008- Fight OUT Loud”

Biography: Talib “T.J.” Fleming is an FTM writer, parent, and social activist residing in Jersey City, NJ with his partner and daughter. www.brotheroutsider.org

Photo © Emmanuela de León/Dust Jacket Press

--- written by TJ Fleming

Obama Grabs Headlines

2008-11-12T00:37:00.000-08:00

A forward from a friend! Enjoy!

http://obama2008.s3.amazonaws.com/headlines.html

Why You Should Barack The Vote

2008-10-03T00:33:00.000-07:00

In case I didn't make it clear enough in my last entry, it's Filipina/o American History Month. Click on link below (you can't miss it!) to view a special message from Senator Barack Obama in light and recognition of Filipina/o American History Month.

Dear Friends,
The stories of Asian Americans & Pacific Islanders are very personal to me. I first became
acquainted with the diversity and richness of Asia and the AAPI community as a child growing up in
Hawai'i and for a few years in Indonesia. Members of my family are of Asian descent and it is a
community that I became a part of while living in Los Angeles, New York and Chicago.
Filipino Americans have participated in the triumphs and struggles along our road to a more
perfect union, from farm workers who helped found the United Farmworkers Union, to the soldiers
who fought bravely in World War II, to the thousands of nurses who have saved and improved
countless lives, Filipino Americans are an integral part of our country. That’s why I support policies
that will honor your sacrifices, like the Filipino Veterans Equity Act.

Check the last paragraph when he mentions that "the Philippines and the United States have long enjoyed a special relationship." Special, huh? Beautiful subversion and coding, Obama. I got you.

a list of excitement for the (so-cal or) san diego-centric

2008-09-27T01:22:00.001-07:00

1) The San Diego Asian Film Festival

2) Filipina/o American History Month!

3) Stop the Traffick Jam!

4) The San Diego Fil Am Fest

5) The Pacific Islander Festival in San Diego

6) For everyone! What with all of the lovable (anti-)Sarah Palin commentary, I had to encourage others to read her blog, too.

Enjoy!

Finally! Sheesh

2008-09-26T00:06:00.000-07:00

It's about damn time that the Bay Area Railroad Transit (BART) extends to San Jose! Friends and cousins woulda been a lot more accessible growing up as a South Bay Area Pinay teen without a license or car. Freedom wouldn't have been as coveted and rebelling wouldn't have been as instinctive. Well, maybe. Do you know about how many times I wish I could have just hopped on the BART to explore the rest of the Bay? San Jose is a part of the Bay Area even though folks try to say otherwise (I've never run into that kinda mess, but I know some who have). It would have been a hell of a lot easier to seemingly escape or at least be physically absent from my present if the BART in San Jose was around when I was younger. The stigma of public transportation probably wouldn't linger with me still. It would have been fun to learn about how to operate the BART in addition to the VTA in elementary school.

The point is, this promise to invest in public transportation aids and positively impacts communities that seek alternative means to get to work (especially since a large population of the people you rub elbows with on public transportation are from poor and working class communities). Now people can foresee a tangible backup to the increase in gas prices. Also, a BART extension into (a) San Jose stations(s) would alleviate traffic, present more traveling and commuting options, offer a unique experience in terms of the interpersonal interaction and accessibility to the rest of the Bay. If we're talking about diversity by mere representation (which shouldn't always be the case), then tell me where the hell else people could see an old Asian man with his farmer's market goods sittin pretty and comfortable next to a white woman in a business suit? Where else can you see a Cal student casually conversing with a high school teacher taking his students on a field trip? Backyards get bigger and worlds become smaller with this $239 million project. Talk about sprawl; San Jose is an urban city that can seem disconnected to the rest of Bay, but now, and most importantly, the rest of the Bay can revel in San Jose's greatness.

State approves $239 million for BART extension to San Jose

By Gary Richards
Mercury News

Fulfilling a promise made nearly a decade ago, the California Transportation Commission on Thursday unanimously approved spending $239 million to help build the BART extension into Santa Clara County.

The money will be parceled out over the next five years. The state has now committed $760 million to the $6.1 billion project, matching the amount that Gov. Gray Davis pledged in 2000.

source

Breaking Down the Sexualization of Asian Women Stereotypes

2008-09-13T04:39:00.000-07:00

This is a re-post from another blog. Forgive me for the hiatus - I'm getting [re]centered.

When you say, 'I like Filipinas'
Um, how should I reply?
Do you expect exotic booty (cough) beauty
Or do you respect the proud Pinay?
When you have a thing for Asians,
What is it that you seek?
China Doll, Geisha Girl, Comfort Woman
To be subservient and meek?
Uh-uh, get off your Oriental fetish
Sexist, racist mentalities
Another time, another rhyme
I'll break down these complexities
- excerpt from "Come On" by Joy De La Cruz

The complexities of understanding the hypersexualization and exoticized image of a Pilipina woman stem from a very gendered and racialized history rooted in practices that have treated women (of color) unfairly and unequally. Looking at historical events in Asian American history and highlighting Western stereotypes help explain the cat calls and holleration that many women experience today.

"The Orient" alludes to a physical location which actually serves as the site of mens' sexual fantasies over women. It is also an imagined space that was created and seen as mysterious. Because European countries and its explorers were fascinated with the idea of a 'New World' and were seeking to expand their empires, the desire to learn and know about newer lands such as Asia constructed what is Orientalism. This fascination brought about exaggerated recalls, where explorers were able to paint their images of Asian peoples as strange attractive, or exotic. Orientalism entails 'othering' people by seeing them as not the same, not as equal but of a different kind (in this case, people) and therefore inherently inferior.

In colonial Asia in the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, for example, female sexuality was a site for colonial rulers to assert their moral superiority and thus their natural and legitimate right to rule. The colonial rhetoric of moral superiority was based on the construction of colonized Asian women as subjects of sexual desire and fulfillment and European colonial women as the paragons of virtue and the beaters of a redefined colonial morality. - Professor Yen Le Espiritu in her book Homebound

The China Doll stereotype portrays Asian women as subservient, compliant and eager to please. It also implies that all Asian-identified women are ethnically Chinese and like dolls for children, they are meant to be seen and played with; their value and worth relies solely on their appearances. This is problematic because it does not recognize an Asian woman's intelligence or personality and it allows people to assume (i.e. judge based on looks). People may specify Chinese due to the fact that the Chinese were among the first groups from Asia to migrate to the United States in the nineteenth and twentieth centuries.

The Geisha Girl stereotype is reduced down to that of a prostitute or sex entertainer in Western culture. This indicates that women are valued and used for their bodies for aesthetic pleasure. On the contrary, a Geisha in Japanese culture is a type of social status similar to an artist. They are trained in developing certain social skills such as dancing, singing, tea-making, conversing and serving. It is easy, as a Westerner, to overlook the art, diligence and hard work that goes into certain tasks and make erratic comparisons. It is even easier to mistake said tasks for things of lesser value - we have to remember that the meanings are not the same in Japanese culture and in American culture.

Comfort Women were forced into prostitution and into Japanese military brothels during World War II. Comfort Stations were sanctioned by the Japanese Imperial Army and were sites of forced sex and rape. Comfort Women were sex slaves, sometimes kidnapped or taken from their own homes to "comfort" military men during wartime. The way that governments then seemingly viewed and utilized womens' bodies mirrors the way that some men view Asian women, as dehumanized commodities for "comfort" or "release."

There are circumstances where third world women must (as a result of societal forces and not individual choice) sell themselves to men for marriage or to work to financially support themselves and their families. For some, this is extreme, but really, it's a matter of survival. Pilipina women are the number one export of the Philippines. Rice, fruits, and unfortunately, skin-whitening products are exports, not women. Not Pilipina women, and not deservingly. Pilipina mail-order brides are not just a stereotype, they are real people who have to provide for others. They experience a reality built from imperialism, Orientalism, colonization, Americanization, pain, and poverty. The thing about hustling is that it is associated with survival and a do-what-it-takes attitude.

The hypersexualization of Asian womyn is one result of a sexist and racist mentality that can be historically traced as a phenomenon that lingers in our society still. It is evident in our everyday experiences (as Westerners) and has penetrated our own minds. Stereotypes that we know, hold, believe, use or laugh at can be broken down and reveal truth. Historically, there have been ways in which womyn have had meaning, men and situations forced upon them. In many situations, as simple as dropping pick-up lines or mentioning a fetish for Pilipina womyn, these womyn are silenced, left unheard and without a voice to defend themselves.

So my request
And expectation then to all nice guys and real men
When your boy is acting like an ass hole
Call out and correct your friend
- excerpt from "Come On" by Joy De La Cruz

"i was down to work them hips"

2008-08-12T17:14:00.000-07:00

My Letter To Hip Hop - Directed by Malik Booth

I found Bridget Gray's poetry on her MySpace awhile ago and I was happy to see that she posted this. It's her first video on her poem "My Letter to Hip Hop."

why higher education might not pay off

2008-07-17T09:49:00.001-07:00

"Hi, my name is Tony and I'm underpaid."

This is the first thing a worker said when he was introducing himself to a collective of students from various organizations at my campus. Although it was back in August, this was the first of many times in a few years that students and service workers of the University of California (UC) would work together to fight against low wages. Workers at the UC currently do not make enough for living wages. Since then, students have been organizing and rallying to let campus officials know that this injustice needs to end. It happened in 2001 and it's happening now.

SAN DIEGO – Despite a temporary restraining order against a strike, hundreds of University of California San Diego service workers began picketing with their brethren statewide yesterday for better wages.

They included custodians, groundskeepers, housekeepers and food-preparation employees who work for the UCSD campus and UCSD Medical Center system.

At issue is a dispute over salary increases for 8,500 service workers statewide represented by the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees Local 3299.

source

Read it for facts and try to ignore the UC representative's clouding bullshit. The workers are not justly described nor are their struggles humanized. This is real, especially when politicians refuse to cross picket lines.

This is another call for justice, support, love and Life.

free our sisters, free ourselves

2008-07-14T12:58:00.000-07:00

This just in, copped off MySpace. Because you know that MySpace bulletins and online organizing happens effectively (most of the time). I've been working with GABNet for a while now, with womyn as strongmilitantbeautiful as I wish I was. My work with them can be viewed here. These issues are never disconnected from reality. Never a single, isolated circumstance. Please read with an open heart. Thank you.

GABNet/Mariposa Alliance Statement

Not Just One Ambassador, Just One Consul
DFA of Philippines is a Haven for Traffickers

Had Marichu Baoanan not filed a civil complaint against former Philippine ambassador to the UN Lauro Baja, his wife, his daughter and their travel agency, people of Philippine ancestry would have shrugged off her story for its ordinariness.

In the more than ten years that GABNet of the Mariposa Alliance has worked on the issue of trafficking, countless such stories have come our way: of embassy and consulate personnel and their relatives lugging, like so many suitcases, women from the Philippines, extracting enormous amounts for a US visa, or a Saudi visa, or a British visa or French or Italian – in other words, wherever the government of Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo has diplomatic representation.

There have been innumerable stories of Filipinas seeking sanctuary from their brutal employers at consulates and embassies only to be returned to the same employers; of Filipinas funneled into the sex trade by embassy and consular personnel; of Filipinas traded as domestic workers by embassy and consular personnel to their relatives and friends as favors; of Filipinas coerced into paid-for marriages and sex work to enable embassy and consular personnel to make enormous profits.

It is a vast narrative of corruption and greed – the hallmarks of bureaucrat capitalism – and of feudal/patriarchal anti-woman values which underlie the sustained violence against women that is the hallmark of the Philippines' Labor Export Policy.

Every Filipino is familiar with this narrative. Every Filipino has at least one tale of this miserable narrative, whether directly experienced or indirectly experienced through family and/or friends.

When the first DFA personnel and/or the relative(s) thereof was convicted of forced labor, peonage and/or trafficking, the Department of Foreign Affairs should have immediately launched an investigation to weed out the traffickers in its midst.

When the first diplomatic corps staff was shown to have been connected, even remotely, to even one incident of trafficking and coerced labor, the proper thing for the government of Gloria Macapagal Arroyo to have done was launch an immediate crack-down on the traffickers in its midst.

Instead both Macapagal-Arroyo and the DFA bosses chose to ignore such incidents.

Now we know why; the DFA has been transformed into a sanctuary, not for overseas Filipinos, but for traffickers. Trafficking profits fulfill the lust for wealth of the bosses of bosses.

The overseas face of Macapagal-Arroyo's government accurately reflects its character at home: corrupt, greedy, exploitative, a parasite living off the wounds of the Filipino people, exacerbating injuries to the body politic by blaming its victim. Marichu is poor and just "a maid" and therefore should not speak truth to power.

One very simple question -- how many diplomatic "red" passports for alleged "domestic employees" does the DFA issue per year? – would have immediately given anyone an understanding of the extent of this corruption.

As for those who decry what they perceive to be attempts to sully the reputation of "a citizen above suspicion" by a simple "maid," bear in mind that whitewashed tombs are beautiful outward but full of corruption and "uncleanliness within.

"Marichu Baoanon's story is common. GABNet of the Mariposa Alliance has heard it over and over and over again. To fence-sit and do nothing about it now is to be an accomplice in the exploitation, commoditization and disempowerment of the Filipina. Do nothing, say nothing and you conspire with the Macapagal-Arroyo government's policy of implementing globalization through sustained violence against women.

Therefore, GABNet of the Mariposa Alliance calls for a thorough investigation, not only of the defendants in the civil complaint filed by Marichu Baoanon but of the entire Department of Foreign Affairs and of its embassies and consulates.

We demand that the DFA issue and implement a policy of zero tolerance towards trafficking, forced and exploitative labor among its ranks.

Zero tolerance toward trafficking and peonage should be the minimum policy of a government that survives on remittances from overseas Filipino workers.

We demand of the United Nations as well a policy of zero tolerance toward trafficking, slavery and peonage among its ranks. Nations cannot be united if trafficking, slavery and peonage are allowed to be visited upon more than half of the world's population.

We demand that these "whitened sepulchers" stop vilifying Marichu Baoanon for being just "a maid" and for speaking out. This is public verbal abuse and extremely disrespectful of the Filipina domestic worker

We call for the affirmation and assertion of labor rights and women's rights for Filipinos at home and overseas.

We call for JUSTICE FOR MARICHU and all "maids" like her victimized by the sustained violence of the Labor Export Policy.

We ask all friends of the Filipino people to stand with Marichu, to stand with GABNet of the Mariposa Alliance, in opposition to the continuing violence against women embedded in the Labor Export component of imperialist globalization.

JUSTICE FOR MARICHU! JUSTICE FOR OVERSEAS FILIPINO WORKERS! JUSTICE FOR THE FILIPINA! JUSTICE FOR THE FILIPINO PEOPLE! END TRAFFICKING AND PEONAGE NOW! ONWARD TO WOMEN'S LIBERATION AND THE LIBERATION OF THE FILIPINO PEOPLE!

yellowgurl update july '08

2008-07-10T08:38:00.000-07:00

I subscribe to artist/poetess Kelly Zen-Yie Tsai's listserv, who updates her fam frequently on her upcoming performances, whereabouts and always includes a new poem. I had the pleasure of meeting her last year in NYC, and I've been a fan of her words for a while now. In regards to the rest of the post: Yeah, I'm probably going through stuff. I've learned to rearticulate love by breaking down current events and such, but a girl's gotta give it up to a good love poem every now and then. Enjoy!:

resolve

by Kelly Zen-Yie Tsai

it used to depress me
that love over time falls away

like fast-food hamburger wrappers
or used band-aids, torn from
their practice, decaying in the sun

i used to want love to last forever
or else like a piece of plutonium,
glowing hot in its chamber, dangerous
and worthwhile

it'd be kept in the
same way: metal cases armed
by two security guards, a key
in the lock, the rod jostling 'round

now, i get that love is meant to
be survived, not possessed, experienced
like sunshine, like a breeze of the ocean,
sand upon the skin.

none of these last forever
but they do return
when you seek to find them

so is the certainty of love
locked in the frightened human body
reaching out, hands flailing,

not knowing which way to turn.

You Go Pinay! - Charisse Pempengco

2008-07-04T19:28:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'm a little late, or maybe this Pinay is a little too under the radar, but I can't believe I didn't hear about her before. This teenager sings like Whitney (because she sings hella Whitney songs), is practically a reality T.V. star from the Philippines, and has already been a storyline swooped up by Oprah Winfrey and Ellen DeGeneres. She may also be making another appearance in the States very soon... who knows.

show your support!

2008-07-03T13:08:00.000-07:00

The highly anticipated ScRuNcHiEs & hEaDbAnDs 90s RNB MiX by Dj Mark Marcelo has been recently released, get your copy now!

Special reviews on the mix will be featured here shortly, as requested by Dj Mark Marcelo himself.

This is seriously one of the dopest mixes, if not, then THE DOPEST mix I've ever heard. And I'm not just sayin that cuz I'm a 90s RNB fiend, I'm being real. Show your support and listen to the mix and buy the album! If you think that Lil Wayne and Kanye West albums were long overdue, then you got a another thing coming. Dj Mark Marcelo's mix is the shit.

To all the hypebeasts, music junkies, hipsters, poets, wallflowers and wannabes - this is what you wanna be into. Put aside those coveted Nike kicks, the huge (and unnecessary) trendy glasses frames, the weed, and the poet notepads - this is the business. For the 90s kids, if you've ever wanted to own a compilation of your sweetest musical memories - school dances, hours spent in front of your computer and its 56k dial-up connection trying to get to Napster through AOL, car rides (before you were the driver), MTV when they actually played music videos - then you gotta get with this.

DJs always make that shit go, and this mix is taking you back.

KthanksBye

Presidential Fuck-Up #5,094,610

2008-06-25T20:26:00.000-07:00

Bush To Filipino President: "I Am Reminded Of The Great Talent Of The -- Of Our Philippine-Americans When I Eat Dinner At The White House"

January 20th, 2009 needs to hurry up so that Obama can be inaugurated already. Yeah, I said it.

Bold statements flush themselves out left and right, but I never expected that shit. Where do I start with this article? Who fucked up more - Bush for his grandiloquence or Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo for her passivity? President Bush for his ignorance or GMA for hers? There are so many factors wrong with the notion and performance of discussing aide for a people who are suffering from the repercussions of a typhoon and an epithet blurted out by the so-called leader of the so-called free world. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Let's not forget that there were times when only Filipino men could join the Navy if they enlisted as petty officers, band musicians, firemen and then only as stewards and mess attendants. Let's not forget that Filipino recruits enlisted in the Navy to gain U.S. citizenship. But citizenship, it seems, is never enough. And the same sentiments of pettiness and designated inferior positions for Filipinos despite citizenship still linger, as made evident by George Dubya. Our talent as Filipina/o Americans should not be reduced to the dinners we make as service attendants for white men or as mere labor for the U.S. economy. Let's not forget the achievements and contributions of Filipina/o Americans. What a way to downplay Filipinas/os and simultaneously demonstrate white privilege and white power.

My homegirl says: Why does he speak like he wasn't educated?

Why does he speak at all?

Let's not forget the reasons for GMA's trip to the U.S. GMA flew out of a country that she is supposed to lead during a time of need. People in the Philippines face the threat of typhoons every year around this time. Once again, natural disasters dictate forced migration, forced poverty and the person able to enact emergency rescue missions is found at the right hand of the man who did the same thing to his people almost three years ago. Anyone remember Hurricanes Katrina & Rita?

But I'm not surprised because this is the same President that brought reporters with her to Iloilo, Guimaras after the oil spill at the end of summer 2006, to show her support for a quick recovery. There were photos of her with a bright, blue, mesmerizing ocean in the background during her visit. I could see why she would do this, I mean, oil and gas are important these days, no?

Let's say a President was warned about an approaching natural disaster. Natural disasters - like hurricanes, typhoons, fires - have no political allegiance, that's what the academics say. But only because it's true. Therefore, they (the hurricanes, typhoons and fires) do not choose to affect, ruin or displace peoples no matter what country, city, or province is near. In fact, the personification of such natural entities is problematic, I know. And said President chooses to react by waiting, by putting off professional, scientific or administrative evidence and advice that would have saved lives and instead goes on vacation or flies out of the country for support. Who am I writing about here? Bush or GMA? And which politically tense and economically draining spectacle am I referring to? Whose ignorance is more salient? Whose words and broken promises are the most poignant? Or the least credible? Is this about the rice crisis in the P.I. or the inflation of gas and oil in the U.S.? Guimaras or Lousiana? Who fucked-up more?

trends i'm done with

2008-06-19T02:02:00.000-07:00

It's June - the time of year for semi-annual sales at your local mall. You won't find me camped outside like it's Christmastime and a new gaming console is on the brink of release. Especially not when it's hella hot and the 80 degree (Fahrenheit) days and high gas prices dictate your level of activity, or lethargy. I'm not the type to go to great lengths to spend time to save bank. I don't like to hop on trends, I've always been a firm believer in wearing what you feel. But you know, just act right. If shit don't match, it should be apparent in the mirror. Or, if you don't feel right in it, then don't force it. Everyday's a new day and a new outfit. That's why I can't get with some trends. I understand that certain trends aren't flattering for some people. I understand that there shouldn't be one universal or standard body shape or image. But there are a few things I couldn't keep quiet about:

1) Ethnic Cuff

Charlotte Russe stores know this item as the 'ethnic cuff.' WTF.

The reality/history: Indigenous peoples used geometric shapes, used bold colors, drew decorative art on bodies, tattooed, etc. sometimes to maintain cultural identity as they traveled and dispersed. We see this practiced today with Henna tattoos, Kente cloth, Zarape blankets and Polynesian tattoos - all of which are deemed 'ethnic'. Jewelry attempting to emulate (or mock) legacies of honor fall short.

2) Top or Bottom?

You tell me. I really can't tell these days.

These tops are either really really long or hella short dresses. Either way, I can't get down. There has to be another way to fight the confusion and avoid another jeans and ~~shin protectors~~ boots outfit.

3) Bubble Wrap

Bubble-gum colored.

For your flavorite disproportions. Why would anyone want to look mid- or bottom-heavy?

It's like... buying a top with a muffin top included.

4) Activist Hats

I think that one of my best friends said it best...

"You know something's trendy when something that can represent a counter-culture is mass produced and available at Urban Outfitters." Don't wear these in the summertime.

5) The Morning After Look

It just looks like she belted her man's button-down with his matching tie.

Definitely not a goodlook.

6) Gladiator Sandals

It's like a re-try at Life for the Jesus sandals, in Gladiator form.

7) My Favorite: Pooh Bear Yellow

Mustard Yellow, Pooh Bear Yellow... does it make a damn difference?

It doesn't work for everyone's skin tone and I just want to put a red cardigan over every girl with this color on.

Homeboy as we know and love him.

This isn't the first time I've had gripes with fashion. Pictures of these gawdy trends were taken from various white-ified sites. And by white-ified, I mean as demonstrated by populations of people who allow themselves to buy into their insecurities by investing in businesses that purport the idea of oneness, of power, of trend, and a standard of beauty and/or body image. Because whiteness is a claim to power and resources and is also the monopolization of market and mind.

P.S. If you own any of these, my bad! Nanay would not be proud. But it's a good read, though, yeah?

Kick Kung Fu Panda in the Ass

2008-06-13T22:20:00.000-07:00

"You ask me if I'm related to Bruce Lee, then laugh. I answer back,

'Why? You wanna know if I can give you same kind of ass kickin?' I laugh."

- Catzie from Yellow Rage

Pandas are cute, huggable even, if you've got a plush toy. And Kung Fu is a respectably ancient Chinese martial art, right? The two might go together, they might even be enough to create a summer Hollywood blockbuster, right? Might be enough to get crowds and audiences full of young minds and their parents to get to know the Asian culture in a seemingly harmless way. Might be enough to draw in hella bank at the box office. Might even be enough to promote diversity and show America that Asian culture is valuable in some respects.

Respect. I've tried to talk to some folks about how irked I get when I see commercials or adamant advertising about the new Kung Fu Panda film. Some get it, some don't.

"Most Kung Fu movies were exploitation films - sensationalist, violent, sexy, and often cheaply made abroad... Often in kung fu movies, white characters were constructed as villainous and racist, and audiences were encouraged to empathize with Asian heroes as they karate-chopped and kicked the (white) bad guys." - Harry M. Benshoff and Sean Griffin, America On Film: Representing Race, Class, Gender and Sexuality at the Movies

The gong sounds, the martial arts, the fact that the main character is a humanized panda who is a "dragon warrior," the sidekicks who can side kick and come prepared to fight shouting their "hi-yas" - it's all beyond the reinforcing of stereotypical figures. Historically, American films have found a way to simplify, reduce and reinforce Asian culture in America. Kung Fu Panda is no different.

Let me break it down:

Populations of the panda bear have been found in few mountain ranges that are located in China, the dragon remains as the national animal/symbol of China and the gong is used to commence religious ceremonies or official processions and the language of a people has been butchered into a two-syllable exclamation for an upcoming attack. How did these symbols, full of meaning, of culture, of value, of life become reduced to mere entertainment at the expense of a people so much more worthy and complex? Kung Fu is a martial art that demands discipline and time and does not only consist of swift movements that parallel the ground. Realistically, individuals can practice kung fu in places other than a competitive setting - it requires hard work and develops skills for a sharp mind. It is not your next blockbuster hit. Not your child's next favorite movie. Not your next excuse for a family outing, not your chance to take an adventure into a world influenced by the Orient. Not your chance to see cute, fuzzy pandas in action.

Not only am I disgusted at the fact that an animal has been humanized and animated to play a role that only re-creates the Charlie Chan or Bruce Lee stereotype, I am even more grossed out by the bamboo-like font on all of the movie posters and merchandise, more spiteful at the pose upon the panda in the pictures and angry at the depiction of his slanted, wide eyes. I can't stand the racism that is inherently attached to this film and the perpetration led by those who see it as an attempt to bridge Asian culture (when the movie-makers are really perpetrating what's really Chinese culture) with America. This film is more about American's discomfort with accepting Asian Americans on film than it is about a fucking panda bear that seeks to showcase their athletic skills. No wonder Jack Black and Dustin Hoffman, do the voiceovers - they probably couldn't find any Asian American actors or actresses to demote themselves (thank goodness! That shit is racist!)

What's worse, Panda from Kung Fu Panda is a fucking character for comic relief. He is not taken seriously by of the "supporting roles" or characters and have to prove himself to be "worthy." Wow, America. You done done it again.

I can't stand it. I can't stand for it. I will not stand in line for it.

a pop culture lifeline

2008-06-10T02:09:00.000-07:00

When the Spice Girls announced that they were ending their tour early, I can say that I half-expected it. This sets the context for point #2.

When Dru Hill got back together for 5 minutes, I should have been more apprehensive to buy those tickets since the show got cancelled and all. My shot at listening to live 90s R&B has been delayed. Now, I'm definitely looking forward to DJ Mark Marcelo's ScRuNcHiEs & hEaDbAnDs 90s R&B Mix (that shit took me 5 minutes to type). It's like he stole my iTunes and mixed it.

The new iPhone is coming out and I'm gradually deciding to give in to the bittersweet irony of purchasing electronic products that I know are manufactured by immigrant labor workers, like my mom. Can't fuck with that.

I'm definitely not uber impressed by Season 2 of America's Best Dance Crew. Give SoCal due credit, as emphasized by Jon Yang here (his commentary about ABDC is on point). Let me remind yall bout something:

JabbaWockeeZ set the standard. WTF is going on now. Because I trust Dandiggity, I gotta give it up to Supreme Soul.

The 2nd fundraising event, Volume Control 2, for the Asian/Pacific Islander American (APIA) Spoken Word Summit for bay0nine is on Father's Day, June 15 in Oakland, CA. Support, if you can. Volume Control 1 was dope! Artists are everyday people, too.

Same-sex marriages can be banned again in California. I've read about the economic benefits to allowing same-sex marriage, but foreal, this is not about financial prosperity and the jobs that could be created. This is about respect and human rights. The struggle for sexuality- and gender-based movements is just as important as race-based social movements. Who are we decide freedom to love and the right to dedicate that love? Please vote NO on the California Gay Marriage Ban on November 4th.

Not all is wrong with the world. Barack Obama as the 2008 Democratic Party Nominee proves good karma. And MTV decided to play music videos, recently.

Stay tuned.

magmasid v. [Tagalog] to look, to observe closely

2008-05-26T16:12:00.000-07:00

A Real World

2008-05-11T22:40:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. This blog has been on accidental hiatus and here I am, blogging about a white guy.

This is coming from a girl who has immense discomfort with simply being a student at a very white and racist institution (this is fact! - please read Brown-Eyed Children of the Sun by George Mariscal). From someone who still hasn't had a talk with a white dude whose hand I held for about ten minutes for an activity that wasn't exactly race-related. From the same girl whose first brush, or scrape, with racism happened when a white girl called my best friend (who identified as African American) the "N word." I use white and racist not as synonymous, not at all jokingly, but sparingly. I type this fully aware (to a certain extent) of the implications that this blog may cause.

Maybe attaching these very real concepts to this one man alone is unfair. I can't deny the power of pop culture and I gotta give it up to him and the other male roommates on the Real World XX: Hollywood for trying to make the more privileged ladies of the house realize their narrow-mindedness about the realities of poverty, underprivileged life circumstances and womyn who have to strip for a living.

Contrary to misguided, fucked-up and overwhelmingly generalizable belief, womyn who have to strip for a living do not choose the world into which we are all born. Consider that they may not have choice, or are not left with much choice or opportunity to figure out their futures.

David Malinosky led the argument against the rhetoric of the white female roommates who insisted that womyn who strip are lazy, should further their careers through other means like McDonald's, or use their money to pay for their drugs. I can't count how many ways in which these arguments are racist, classist and completely misunderstanding, at the least. These claims are made from a point and perspective of (white) privilege. Power doesn't work the same way in certain levels of social status. If anything, these myths don't consider how womyn always have to be on the grind and take care home, self and families and bills (the basics) without the same resources. These claims cannot reduce the everyday of a womyn out of upright ignorance. No doubt, everyone's experience is different, but womyn already carry the brunt of inequalities on their backs. Thus, they are not lazy. And drug culture is a spectacle all on its own. You have to peer outside of (all of) yourself to get it. Don't wait until tragedy and oppression slaps you in the face to become fully conscious of your surroundings. People often do.

Dave insisted that the female roommates look outside of their seemingly perfect worlds and try to even comprehend the idea or thought that womyn or people in general do not have the same life situations. And standards can't apply when we have never been on equal footing. I'm not trying to give all of the credit to Dave, because I do trust that there are plenty of allies who stand up for their sistas.

This blog really isn't much of a tribute to David Malinosky, but more of refreshing re-awakening of the fact that someone is trying to keep it real on the real world. I'm actually relieved that these people are real, even though they're pre-packaged in the Hollywood formula of images. I just sincerely hope that Dave doesn't fuck up and shatter my vision of him as the show unravels.

To compensate for a lack of clarity, I'll leave you with this video:

These Are The Times

2008-04-25T10:31:00.000-07:00

Finding out that they were coming to SoCal at the end of the June has already made my summer! Your girl got some good tickets, too. Damn shame that there wasn't much of a fight between me and Ticketmaster this time around. This shit is better than finding out that they got back together for 5 minutes! This concert is for those true R&B fiends, and I'm hella excited to see them perform.

Funny thing is that the concert is being advertised as "Sisqo with Dru Hill" as if he was never a part of their success in the first place! Maybe I'll look into that later. But the line-up is FRESH! Shai, En Vogue, Ginuwine and Montell Jordan! 90s R&B! It's making a comeback. Thank Goodness, because their voices are much needed. I can't picture chivalry without a good love song. And my need for chivalry is not rooted out of necessity for kindness; it's not a calling for gentlemen, but rather a level of understanding after learning to respect [a] womyn and finding that she already exists as half the battle. She already exists as equal, it's just a matter of letting that be. Granted, some men may have to reflect, step outside of themselves and overcome some deep psychological barriers. It's okay to be in service for one another, especially if it's for love, and R&B music provides that sensual soundtrack. So I think that's what spoken word artist Ruby Veridiano-Ching means when she says, "Let's take it back to soul music!"

Let's get back. Like Dru Hill onstage. =)

Our Parents Were Sleeping

2008-04-15T15:11:00.000-07:00

Things I hated growing up included this phrase
Words used as punishment
It was like a rubber-banded threat
Silencing child's play

Words used as punishment
We used this control each other
Silencing child's play
What the fuck is Home?

We used this to control each other
Because restrictions came out of purple places bruised
What the fuck is Home?
I couldn't love you right enough

Because restrictions came out of purple places bruised
We are like lost souls under a glass ceiling
I couldn't love you right enough
Always sleeping, never awake when I needed someone

We are like lost souls under a glass ceiling
It was like a rubber-banded threat
Always sleeping, never awake when I needed someone
Things I hated growing up included this phrase

Reflections on growing up in a Filipino home, under 1 roof with 3 different families.

"Fuck That, Fall Back"

2008-04-10T23:49:00.000-07:00

"Maybe my spirituality is feminist after all - feminist in that I cannot help but speak from my own experience and cast that story out into the public domain, whether as part of the chorus or cacophony." - Rachel A.R. Bundang, "This Is Not Your Mother's Catholic Church" from the book Pinay Power

Ask me about what I believe in. I ran for student government in high school (President for 4 years, whatchu know 'bout that?) thinking that change and organization could ensure a collective student voice. Maybe I didn't say it that way in high school, but I damn sure believed in the potential that people always told students they have. I was tired of shit talking and living with people's perceptions of misunderstood power. I know, perhaps I even have a more jaded sense now of what it means to play politics. I can spit game but what good would that be? I can recall several moments when teachers, peers and administrators didn't listen to me because I'm female. And yes I know that they didn't listen to me because of my gender because the male next to me would repeat the same shit I just said and be recognized and praised for my words.

How else can I fully communicate the fact that I have always witnessed, swam in and refuse injustice? I admit that I am completely opposite, behaviorally, from high school, and it has taken a hell of a lot of unlearning and re-socializing to simply stand up. If you can't imagine needing words and validation to walk upright then maybe we can't get down. Clutching onto inner battles to use as ammunition to fight the world with - these are not crutches used to seek attention from people who can use their privilege to help disenfranchised others. I do not need someone else's agency. Or hand-outs. Or blogs.

“The main purpose of defining Pinayism in these somewhat audacious extremities is to emphasize its endless possibilities and also look at the multiplicity of what it means to be Pinay and a Pinayist. In defining and creating this space, we must also acknowledge the obstacles and strategies of Pinayism as a fluid concept, having an inherent ability to be changed and also being an impetus for change.” - Allyson Tintiangco-Cubales, "Pinayism," Pinay Power

Last time I checked, people weren't born blue, purple, orange or whatever. They are red, brown, black, yellow and white.

Last time I checked, people didn't just speak Chinese, 'Mexican', Vietnamese, Japanese, Filipino or whatever. English isn't the official language of the U.S. There isn't one.

Last time I checked, there wasn't just feminism or Pinayism. By forgetting, you contribute to the dismantling of a core argument of these movements' fight for space in memory. I am tired of being left on the margins. I am tired of seeing other womyn's hearts become saturated with patriarchal lacerations. One of my biggest fears is to be forgotten. I fear that this is happening to me as I type if I don't write resistance fast enough against a status quo that may expunge me of my womynhood.

Last time I checked, fence sitting didn't save nor change the world.

By only naming these two types of womyn's movements, just as white feminism often does not include womyn of color, you can easily exclude and contribute to the erasure of other feminist movements. A created visibility can work conversely against good intentions. Do not forget, or exclude, our Chicana, Muslim, Black, Puerto Rican and others sisters in diaspora who have the same struggles.

This is not verbal fodder. This is the only way for me to tell you, or anyone, about personal experience as Truth. These words are my medium, my cartel for communication. Use yours carefully.

More later. Trust.

haikus for inarticulate times (or are they?)

2008-04-09T05:57:00.000-07:00

Thinking in haikus
But never writing them down
Only mental notes

Never in between
I'm not into fence sitting
Ask me about it

Passive aggression
Does nothing for the movement
Release steam elsewhere

Stigmas for writing
Felt for being honest here
Say it to my face

I guess it's okay

To talk shit. Limit myself

To petty bullshit.

Complex politics

Don't let my love blind content

I'm still a womyn.

I don't type in here

To win you over, or have

you swoon. Food for thought

Tell Ten!

2008-03-29T00:30:00.000-07:00

I can't imagine being a 16-year-old pallbearer at my best friend's funeral. Could you?

Stop the violence!

Increase the peace!

This was the rally chant from a youth-organized, youth-led march commemorating the lives of Brandon Nicholas Johnson, 16, and Donnell Eric Davis, 15, of San Diego.

"The teens were killed in a freeway shooting March 16 in Bonita [near their community].
Hundreds of people attended the services at Bayview Baptist Church in the Encanto neighborhood of San Diego. An overflow crowd gathered outside the church.
Gunfire on the roadways is rarely random, authorities said. It usually stems from road rage, and sometimes victims are targeted.
Sheriff's investigators suspect the teens killed in Bonita were fatally shot simply because they were in an area claimed by a gang." (source)

One of my homegirls and I are looking into supporting this community's local high school, Lincoln High School, by possibly working with their 9th grade Social Justice School teachers to do workshops, facilitate discussions, have poetry-writing sessions or just be in the classroom to work with the youth outside of a university setting.

Today, we got the grand tour. Everything from stepping into a classroom that requires their students to memorize and recite The Definite Dozen, a more meaningful and progressive alternative to the mindless delivery of the Pledge of Allegiance by school-age children; to the decision, or calling, to join the aforementioned anti-violence march/rally/protest. The Dozen is not to be misconstrued for the definite dozen that calls for a basic understanding of respect, often used in sports speak to honor the game and make athletes better people. This Dozen calls for students to be revolutionaries and be responsible for themselves, families, communities and the world. Once I find a copy of it, I'll be sure to post it. It's fresh. If you have it, please let me know.

Aside from wanting to instantly know those anxious faces, I was in awe of a high school classroom that had posters of Cesar Chavez, Malcolm X, past community events and theatrical productions, of a teacher who played songs by Dead Prez and Immortal Technique, of another who proudly introduced his students to me as student-activists, and of neighborhood art that complicated common notions of beauty and commemorated Rosa Parks, among others.

The grand tour included a glimpse into the administrative aspect of running a Social Justice school. It seems like a slow-roasting struggle. Imagine infiltrating the education system this way - decolonizing the mind and empowering youth to speak for themselves. How beautiful our world would be! To hell with Diddy and his bitch-ass-ness, miseducation is a serious problem in our communities. Aside from being given a course syllabus (which included a media disclaimer for the parents), and course assignments/activities, I was able to read a 9th grade student's final draft of an essay that supported the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, and quoted Article 4 which reads, "No one shall be held in slavery or servitude; slavery and the slave trade shall be prohibited in all their forms." The student referenced modern day slavery as an everyday activity, not antebellum slavery. I was no longer in awe, I was in admiration of words from a young mind that can write life into recognizing injustice.

A view of the campus from the Social Justice school building only confirmed the prison-like structure that schools are modeled after, or vice versa. I have never been to such a gated, guarded public high school. This was quite shocking when my high school back in San Jose was affectionately dubbed "the ghetto" by some. So I guess you can say that this setting has become unfamiliar to me after having been out of a community like the one from which I came for about 3 years now. I was informed that Lincoln High, along with 13 (soon to be 14) other high schools in the district have shooting ranges on their campuses for JROTC and ROTC access. Militarization of high schools gives primarily underprivileged, disenfranchised high school students power via weaponry and arms, and it provides a feeling of power that they can find nowhere else, feeds and recruits them as they comply into joining the front lines of war zones and perpetuates the cycle of injustice and inequality as we all know it. There is a zero-tolerance policy for weapons on public school campuses in California. So why is it okay to allow weapons onto a high school campus when it's for the conditioning of war, for the army, which has historically been an institution of discipline and violence? It's not okay. It's not safe. It's not right.

The teacher that my homegirl and I were chillin with, before the anti-violence rally came marching down the street, took us down the neighborhood to look for what we thought was the delayed group. As we stood on the corner of Imperial Ave. and Euclid St. waiting to cross the street, he looked at us and said, "You're standing on the four corners of death." How the hell am I supposed to respond to that? How do I shift fear from freaking out into a collected shell hiding behind sunglasses? What tomorrow's leaders (student-activists) and this teacher told us was that each corner of the intersection was marked off as a different gang territory, beginning at each corner. "Even a famous rapper got shot here," one of the young revolutionaries added. Mind you, I wasn't shocked, just kind of... vulnerable. More on this later. Moreover, this a preface to the gang violence that takes place in this neighborhood. Very real, real enough to hold a rally for two boys who just happened to be victims of what a 16-year-old student-activist/head organizer of the rally called, "a senseless crime." It really could have been anyone.

Whenever I'm marching or participating in a rally, or most importantly, using my voice as a tool/instrument to guide, be heard, tell, educate, teach, preach, be listened to, etc., I get real raw and vulnerable. No joke. Somehow, the significance of voice arises as the main tool for expression and is what grabs the attention of passers-by. Expression -> art -> movement -> protest -> for a cause -> power. Word association explains it all. Art and activism go together. Community activism & community art is necessary.

Lately, I've been thinking about ground work. And really doing it for community. I feel like I have something to give now. So much that it's urgent. This deserves the utmost political expediency. The teachers at the Social Justice school kept talking about practice. There's a lot of theory, but the youth need practice, they say. I saw them practice today. I need practice today. Right now, this is where my heart is. It is possible to work on self-love and give back at the same time. I made a silent promise/signed a pledge sheet to tell ten about this. Please help me and tell ten.

Brandon and Donnell were not gang-affiliated. They were just trying to go to bowling alley to have fun and then come back. It could have been anyone. Let's not awaken only when we have oppression and pain hit us in the face. Like a mother said at the rally, "This is not a black thing. Pain and death know no color lines."

Stop the violence.

Increase the peace.

This community is thirsty for change. - Enrique Ochoa, teacher @ LHS

x_magsalita.

Therapy

2008-03-28T17:10:00.000-07:00

By michelle magalong
May 2003

I write unsent letters
In hopes of peace
Divulging truths
In whispered secrets
Purging emotions
In scattered ramblings

I write love poems
In hopes of happiness
Professing dreams
In flustered proclamations
Capturing heartbeats
In ribbons of imagery

I write journal entries
In hopes of love
Confessing fears
In tear-streaked pages
Releasing silence
In an explosion of words

I write
In hopes of finding
That one poem
Freeing my heart
In verbs and adjectives
Liberating my mind
In one stanza or lyric

I write.

Who Is Mason Betha?

2008-03-27T00:36:00.000-07:00

Guess who?! While matalim was channel surfing, she found Dr. Mason Durrell Betha, Th.D., also known by his stage name, Ma$e. Who would have thought that the rapper who was hardcore reppin Harlem/ATL would go from MTV to MBM (Mason Betha Ministries) time? And from BET late-night to late-night infomercials?

1999 was when I really started getting into R&B, rap, and hip hop as a hobby. This was when I started to venture out of oldies and Bay Area lite rock less talk radio stations. Since this was before I had access to the Internet, television was the only avenue towards the mainstream music scene. A kid's gotta start somewhere, right? Of course, over time, I've learned to learn from other, more reliable, purer sources.

In 1999, my brother had already embarked on his path towards hip hop consciousness and shopping for CDs outside the realm of 90s rock. Ma$e's "Lookin' At Me" was one of the first singles that he ever bought, and I'm pretty sure I snuck in to his CD case to steal a few listens.

Ma$e's laid-back-ness (not to be confused with P. Diddy's bitch-ass-ness), was seemingly antithetical to what I thought a rapper was. Ma$e was always straight chillin, always smiling, and rapped at a pace slower than I was used to - compared to my brother's early collection of Naughty by Nature, Kris Kross, Montell Jordan, and Tupac. Maybe the game needs more men of the word. Maybe folks more devoted to making music, and not just hits.

The first CD I ever bought for my brother was Ma$e's Double Up album in 1999. Which was also released around same time that Ma$e announced his retirement as a rapper to become a man of faith. As long as this man is still hustling somehow, I'll be down for his words. No shame in what the game is because he's shown that change doesn't have to come in the form of a permanent absence.

Ma$e's singles were hella dope, but he set it off for me when he was featured on Brandy's "Top of the World" off the Never Say Never album. That is one of my favorite songs off of one of my favorite albums ever of Life. That's when I knew I could get down.

We've come a long way!:

Preach on!

x_magsalita.

got the eye? eye don't.

2008-03-24T01:36:00.001-07:00

I've never really been good at this camera thing. You know, taking pictures to salvage memories or getting my digi cam working just right to get the right angle on something I only have 5 seconds to stare at. I'm better at taking pictures of scenes on the fly from my car or from the passenger's side of someone else's ride.

As of late, I've been extremely irked at faux photography and wannabes with expensive cameras. Not hating, just wanting people to remember that there are those who dedicate their life into the rare times that they can spare to take great shots. Also, what may be someone's hobby is someone's else craft and passion. Don't get it twisted and don't front like you're pro. And don't be silly. Tread softly.

To spoof, here are samples of my great photography (and bad alignment, to boot):

RIGHT: Taking pictures of already picturesque sights is sometimes unoriginal.

LEFT: I tried to take a good picture of Kiwi performing. Instead I documented an out-of-body experience.

LEFT: For the incriminating photos that are on your camera. Like those times when you want someone to see another picture that's on the same roll. And then said person thinks that it's okay to continue clicking through your collection, when really, it's not.

RIGHT: When you forget that the flash is on. This was supposed to be a picture on the Las Vegas Strip.

LEFT (top): What was supposed to be a group of friends in Downtown San Jose. Maybe I didn't have 'night feature' notch on, I don't know. Or maybe strangers (or poets) walking down the street aren't equipped with enough street know-how and shouldn't be allowed to lay a finger in my camera anymore.

RIGHT (top): For those times that you are too damn slow.

LEFT (mid): Sorry, Denizen Kane. My bad. I can't take performance shots, either.

RIGHT (mid): I couldn't capture an accurate shot of Christmas in the Park. Maybe I can't hold still

LEFT (bottom): A street scene super distorted.

RIGHT (bottom): A really, really bad picture.

LEFT: People think they're so funny. And you're the one left with the burn. And what's worse, the person you're tryna take a picture with isn't even looking.

RIGHT: When you think you got the right angle, even on the fly, but the result proves you wrong.

IF YOU EVER CLOSE YOUR CAMERA.... (they got blogs for everything these days):

I found your camera

the real Jabberwocky

2008-03-16T02:30:00.000-07:00

How interesting it is to find out that the Jabberwocky is a nonsensical poem written by Lewis Carroll, the author of Alice in Wonderland. No wonder my homegirl (who had never seen America's Next Top Best Dance Crew Project Chef Idol until I busted out with some YouChoob videos earlier this evening/morning) kept on calling them the JabberWockeeZ. We traded tidbits of trivial knowledge and she told me about the poem.

WTF is a JABBERWOCKY?

I'd post the poem, amongst the many poems that are posted here, but it's way too effing long. And crazy. Love the name, though, it all makes sense now. Or... not really since the writer made up hella words. Nonetheless, smooooth move!

x_magsalita.

America's Next Best Top Dance Crew Idol Model

2008-03-14T21:26:00.000-07:00

We love the JabbaWockeeZ. <3

x_magsalita&matalim

the neverending blog // an unfinished story

2008-03-12T14:46:00.000-07:00

I cannot listen to this song. Maybe you can.

Not that I despise it, I just can't listen light-heartedly. I don't think I've ever listened to this song with dry eyes, if you know what I mean. When I was younger, I could never understand how I could learn to love a man I didn't know.

I get so angry... even still. I swear, I can't get past the second verse without turning tension into a fist that clamors against a 14-year absence. I can't sit still while welling up with memories of constructing Father's Day cards for no one but the sake of completing a second-grade assignment. Everyone else had a recipient.

I can't cry for the Pinays that Danced With Their Fathers on their eighteenth birthday celebrations. I wouldn't dare give them my tears. This song is for those who don't have their fathers with them. I have carried resentment for watching them mock my sorrow. I don't hate you for having a father, I hate that you misconstrued the meaning.

I remember all of it. The EMTs, ambulance that carried you away, the kids in the apartment complex gathering around and gazing at the spectacle of firetruck. I remember their marvels at men in uniforms and the shame I felt. I can easily recall my stoic self. How heroic it must have felt to be so numb. I wish I could be that strong now. I never got to say goodbye. I'm sorry.

A heart attack does not stop love.

x_magsalita.

It's a Small World

2008-03-12T00:17:00.000-07:00

I was never into doing Show and Tell back in grade school. Probably because I was hella shy and afraid of the kids snickering at me. And maybe, to some degree, I still am. So I guess I'm making up for the major lack of Show and Tell now... with this blog.

I took Asian American History I and II back in 2004. But not once was the case of Filipina Narciso and Leonora Perez mentioned while we were studying the various waves of Filipino immigration.

Then last month, as Beats Rhymes and Rice at UC Irvine was fast approaching, Magsalita schooled me a little bit on the infamous court case.

Once I heard that it took place in Ann Arbor, MI in the '70s, I realized there was the strong possibility that my mom, at the very least, could tell me something. When my mom first immigrated to the US, she lived in Westland, MI, just outside of Detroit, for about 5 years. She and her 2 sisters worked as registered nurses in the area.

Also a few months ago, my mom was going through some old papers in her bedroom. I happened to be at home at the time. She showed me an old newspaper of her and my auntie protesting about something. I just wasn't sure what they were protesting for. I only so much as glanced as the newspaper. Didn't think much about it at the time.

Little did I know when I moved into this house with 4 other girls, it would be like 6 Degrees of Separation.

One of the girls... her boyfriend's mother happens to be one of the defendants in that infamous case. And how does my mom fit into the picture? She and my auntie protested in Ann Arbor after the verdict was announced.

The newspaper that my mom saved for over 30 years.

See the 2 women in all white standing next to each other? My mom's on the left, my auntie's on the right.

Shit matters as much now as it did back then.
I love my mom. She's awesome to the power of 10 and more.
And it really is a small world after all.

Remember "The Look"... ???

2008-03-10T21:44:00.000-07:00

Remember the song "The Look" by Ryan Tedder? It was "released" circa 2000. So if my math's correct, I was a freshman/sophomore in high school. That song was all over many high school kids' Xangas at the time.

Sorry if I'm late to the party but I just found out the very same guy is lead vocals and plays guitar & piano for OneRepublic. Oh y'know, "I said it's too late to apologize."

He has also...
• wrote and produced Jennifer Lopez's "Do It Well"
• co-produced and wrote Natasha Bedingfield's current hit single "Love Like This" (with The Runaways)
• co-wrote with Jonathan "JR" Rotem & Evan "Kidd" Bogart on Ashley Tisdale's current hit single He Said She Said
• Leona Lewis's first international single "Bleeding Love" (which is the fastest selling single of 2007 in the UK as well as the biggest UK radio debut, reaching #1 in October 2007)

Crazy.

Past, Present, Future

2008-03-05T02:12:00.000-08:00

Long gone are the days of being carefree
All I have left are the memories and nostaglic t-shirts
This used to be my playground
No more cooties or capture the flag

All I have left are the memories and nostalgic t-shirts
To think I wanted to grow up so fast
No more cooties or capture the flag
What am I gonna do with my life?

To think I wanted to grow up so fast
Life's coming at me fast
What am I gonna do with my life?
Never enough time and energy in a 24-hour day

Life's coming at me fast
Time to take our kids out for an afternoon at the park
Never enough time and energy in a 24-hour day
It's 8PM, gotta check their homework and make sure they brush their teeth

Time to take our kids for an afternoon at the park
This used to be my playground
It's 8PM, gotta check their homework and make sure they brush their teeth
Long gone are the days of being carefree

long distance

2008-03-05T01:20:00.001-08:00

Being far away from home hurts like unsaid words
So I wear clothes the way you taught me, two hands up to reach for the sky
I don’t cook but I’m better at pretending that my meals are as good as home cooked love
I miss your voice; your accent is the only language I have ever acquired from our conversations

So I wear clothes the way you taught me, two hands up to reach for the sky
I keep it together like lips pasted, pressed onto each other
I miss your voice; your accent is the only language I have ever acquired from our conversations
My eyes will always tell your stories

I keep it together like lips pasted, permanently pressed onto each other
Mama, teach me again how to be strong
My eyes will always tell your stories
Scold me for going far away

Mama, teach me again how to be strong
Send extended arms to cure and hug homesickness
Scold me for going far away
I travel because you did

Send extended arms to cure and hug homesickness
I don’t cook but I’m better at pretending that my meals are as good as home cooked love
I travel because you did
Being far away from home hurts like unsaid words

MS Excel/Word + Hip Hop (Part Dalawa)

2008-03-03T20:00:00.000-08:00

"Missing You" Like Brandy, Tamia, Gladys Knight and Chaka Khan

2008-03-03T02:12:00.000-08:00

I miss R&B music

I lived for late night slow jams on the radio

I'm craving getting lost in between aisles and piles of melodic peace

Flipping through what was the impetus for middle school dances

I lived for late night slow jams on the radio

And moments that called for increasing volume control

Flipping through what was the impetus for middle school dances

What happened to REAL rhythm & blues?

And moments that called for increasing volume control

I miss TLC, Brandy, Aaliyah, SWV, Lauryn and 90s Mariah & Janet

What happened to REAL rhythm & blues?

Where are womyn who represented on stage and on airwaves?

I miss TLC, Brandy, Aaliyah, SWV, Lauryn and 90s Mariah & Janet

They have been replaced with calls and responses of popularized booty poppin

Where are womyn who represented on stage and on airwaves?

I miss CD shopping before it became digital and all too accessible

They have been replaced with calls and responses of popularized booty poppin

I'm craving getting lost in between aisles and piles of melodic peace

I miss CD shopping before it became digital and all too accessible

I miss R&B music

Where Is The Love?

2008-03-03T01:30:00.001-08:00

Unfinished and broken, still making progress
What happens when "friends" just don't fucking get it?
Justifying words of regression - racism and homophobia
What am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to do?

What happens when "friends" just don't fucking get it?
I'm a female so I'm expected to simply let shit go
What am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to do?
Suddenly, two stubborn souls are at war with one another

I'm a female so I'm expected to simply let shit go
I don't know where to go from here
Suddenly, two stubborn souls are at war with one another
Wounded and weary, the guns need to be dropped

I don't know where to go from here
We've wasted too much time, too much energy
Wounded and weary, the guns need to be dropped
There is comfort in friendship, and peace in understanding

We've wasted too much time, too much energy
Justifying words of regression - racism and homophobia
There is comfort in friendship, and peace in understanding
Unfinished and broken, still making progress

2/6/08 Throwback: 40 Days and 40 Nights

2008-03-01T05:46:00.000-08:00

So it's Lent. I say, "So what? BFD (Big Fucking Deal)."

What's Lent?

"Lent, in most Christian denominations, is the 40-day liturgical season of fasting and prayer before Easter. The 40 days represent the time Jesus spent in the desert, where, according to the Bible, he endured temptation by Satan. Different churches will calculate the 40 days differently.

The purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer - through prayer, penitence, almsgiving, and self-denial - for the annual commemoration of the Death and Resurrection of Jesus, as celebrated during Holy Week, which recalls the events linked to the Passion of Christ and culminates in Easter, the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

There are traditionally forty days in Lent which are marked by fasting, both from foods and festivities, and by other acts of penance. The three traditional practices to be taken up with renewed vigor during Lent are prayer (justice towards God), fasting (justice towards self), and almsgiving (justice towards neighbor). Today, some people give up a vice of theirs, add something that will bring them closer to God, and often give the time or money spent doing that to charitable purposes or organizations."

- Lent - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I guess I got sick and tired of Catholicism, much to the dismay of my mother. What a quarter's tuition is at the university I'm attending is equivalent to what she paid each year for the first 8 years of my 12-year private Catholic education. When I got to high school that tuition doubled to about $5000-6000/year. When Catholicism is part of your everyday academia for 12 years, it makes you not want to be Catholic. Or maybe that's just me.

Growing up, I was proud to be Catholic. I guess you could say it felt like this special club, going to a Catholic school and all. You want to feel like you belong when you're growing up, right? When junior high rolled around, I started to feel increasingly detached from the religion. I'm not sure why. Adolescence? Menstruation and PMS? Boys as a new religion? Discovering the mall as an escape [Oh, Pinayism.]?

When I was a child, I assumed that everyone in my extended family was Catholic. But I later found out that wasn't the case. Some of my cousins didn't even get married in the Catholic Church. Another cousin and her family converted to nondenominational Christianity. Two of my cousins who are around my age haven't gotten confirmed either. That, and my "father" (I use that term very loosely) didn't fast during Lent. He ate meat on Fridays, too. Maybe it was a matter of consistency, or lack of it.

My cynicism grew when, for one, the Church's scandals started surfacing. If priests and other religious authorities can't resist temptation, then we're screwed! Two, an isolated incident during my senior year of high school. A friend called me out, asking if I was still a "V." I didn't respond back. This was after we had a guest speaker talk to the student body about abstinence and waiting until marriage to have sex. I had already lost my virginity the previous year. Naturally, I felt out of place. A black sheep. I thought Christianity, much less Catholicism, was about being compassionate, forgiving, loving your neighbor as yourself, not judging others, etc. That day, all of that went out the window.

I haven't gone to church every weekend since junior high.
I haven't given up anything for Lent since grade school.
After high school, I stopped fasting and not eating meat on Fridays during Lent.
I haven't been confirmed.
I haven't gone to confession since high school.

When I have children, I would want to let them make their own choices in regards to religion, among other things. To each, their own.

Pray for that.

MS Excel + Hip Hop

2008-03-01T05:35:00.000-08:00

Inspired by a post from Hanalei Ramos's entry of MS Excel charts based on hip-hop and R&B lyrics, which were originally done by flickr's freedomallah. A friend and I decided to make some of our own a month ago but never got a chance to finish the project. While I was watching the Super Bowl, I made it a point to finish what I started.

I'm sure I got more where these came from.

why the sampaguita style

2008-03-01T02:50:00.001-08:00

I was sixteen when I discovered that I just happened to wear a flower everyday. It still holds true.

My favorite dress, when I was six years old, looked a little something like the picture to the left. I always felt pretty in it.

Upon my Confirmation at age thirteen, I chose my saint name to be St. Theresa de Lisieux, also known as "The Little Flower."

My mom grows a million orchids in our backyard back home in San Jose.

Hearts, rainbows, angels, butterflies, ribbons and other gendered symbols were never really my style.

I gave flowers away to a man before I ever received them from one. I was six. And I didn't know I was saying goodbye.

The first flowers I received, in a romantic sort of way, were in the form of candy roses wrapped in red cellophane high school fundraiser-status.

When I was in a halau (hula school), I wasn't allowed to dance in a performance because I didn't have the right flower on. Nor did I fucking know what the damn difference was between flowers. Hah, embarassing.

I first saw beautiful, dried flowers at my best friend's place when I was thirteen.

Like other folks, I received and gave away hella flowers on birthdays, graduations and other celebrations.

I am more attuned to choosing flowers to draw, wear in pattern or use for decoration.

Warning: These fun facts may or may not have anything to do with the following blog.

Discovering the sampaguita is more about self-discovery. Lilo and Stitch and the glam of hula, oddly enough, popularized and shaped my imagination to declare the Hibiscus as my favorite flower. I've recently re-read M. Evelina Galang's Deflowering the Sampaguita along with other short stories that have made me think more about how I really didn't understand shit like the Babysitter's Club, why I couldn't cry in public, why we never had any money, why I still can't tell my mom about how hard school is, why I still can't get down with the Vagina Monologues, why I couldn't date someone who wasn't Filipino, why I shouldn't have been with a Filipino dude that my mom didn't know first, why it was important to dress up to family parties, why my friends tripped out when I told them I knew how to eat with my hands, and whatever cultural practice or Fil Am struggle you can name. Either way, or whatever the situation was, it just always felt like some kind of rejection from someone. The worst was and still is trying to figure where it all comes from.

It's not like I haven't tried. That's what this blog, my studies, my politics, my writings, my organizing, my work and my conversations have been for. It's been such a labor of love to keep everything in. And it's another to accept or resist how these struggles have been named for me.

The sampaguita was declared the Philippines' national flower on February 1st, 1934 by United States Governor-General Frank Murphy. A significant time in Asian Am/Fil Am [his]tory, don't you think? A significant time in which the United States was determining the status of the Philippines and Filipinos, furthering colonization and blurring the intersections of immigration and citizenship, as demonstrated with the Tydings-McDuffie Act changing the status of Filipinos from "nationals" to "aliens," or some other sources have cited "wards"... but either way is really fucked up. Source.

Having struggles named or unnamed for me has become a way of life, but not in a guiding way. If you've ever wondered about how legislation affects the everyday then I guess this is it. I've always been irked at people who "don't like politics" or worry about the "intellectualization" of feelings and experiences. Well, fuck, I don't like that shit either. But being political is different. And being anti-intellectual is invalidating. Being able to trace lineages of family oral stories and understanding the origins of my pain is important and is no doubt fully laced with some kind of politic and power.

Sampaguitas are hella small - as big as fingernails, I've read. I vaguely remembering holding them in the jeepney on the way to my lolo's funeral in the Philippines when I was six. I remember not always knowing what was going on. I don't think I've held them since then.

The sampaguita deflowers.

This blog is always under construction. This writer is has always been under construction like AOL days before modern-day MySpace when I couldn't figure what the fuck out I wanted to say. It was just time for a reflection, re-evaluation and some friggen color. This blog has turned into one of poetry, spoken word, my commentary on Life events and event postings. It will only continue to blossom. I apologize for entries that are so few and far in-between, but I've always been in that kind of hyphenation. I just need time.

Along with a new look comes a new writer. =)

x_magsalita.

election-flavored poetry

2008-02-29T09:05:00.001-08:00

black, white, whatever
by Kelly Zen-Yie Tsai

a humble memo to the candidates for the presidency of the united states of america:

dear campaign-trail-stomping, advertisement-fundraising, perfect-hair-having,
mudslinging-with-a-smile-so-as-to-not-make-it-look-like-mudslinging candidates for
the presidency of the united states of america in 2008, the year of our lord,

i, kelly zen-yie tsai, current resident of kings county, brooklyn, and previously of
precinct 47 on chicago’s south side would like to make a request for myself and
others like myself to be enumerated in all further speeches, debates, and
miscellaneous communications with the american public at large.

now, this could be in reference to our nation of ben and jerry’s chunky monkey ice
cream eaters or our nation of  women under five foot one and a half with slightly
napoleonic tendencies, this could be in reference to our nation of salt ‘n pepa’s
blacks magic fans or those who have not yet learned to skateboard, this could be in
reference to our nation of janice dickinson modeling agency-watchers or beginning
gazpacho-makers, or vegetarians who have (unfortunately) recently turned pescetarian

and although these categories above would be accurate, the nation that i would like
you to refer to is even less of a statistical minority, and a fairly obvious one,
and that would be:

Asian

oh, oh, oh, i know you may balk about how many Asians you have taken money from or
how many Asian events you have attended, but in 2008, the year of our lord – i would
like to banish, in your words, the term: “black, white, whatever” to the garbage can
of mass media rhetoric forever.

even worse than this is, in your words:

“we believe in the rights of all people black, white, blue, purple, green, silver – “

now, i consider myself a fairly well-traveled and informed person and yet i don’t
think that blue or purple or green or silver people exist, but in fact, brown and
yellow and red people do.

we may not call ourselves these things, but if we are going to essentialize to the
colors of the rainbow and relegate ourselves to stuffing communities into these
sloppy pots.  i would like to point out that “whatever” does not represent me, nor
does blue or purple or green or  silver for that matter.

and you may scream well, we can’t talk about everybody’s problems and that much is
true, but i am a sucker for specificity and when it comes down to whether or not
i actually exist and furthermore whether my heart, my uterus, my tax return, and my
generation will be represented by your whack ass --

i would like to say:  i’m real.  i’m here.  i’m voting.  and believe me, this girl
is yellow.

thinking this is WORd-nerd-THY

2008-02-16T18:16:00.000-08:00

a poem-report (and a work in progress).

I overheard a horde of grad students discussing their current living situations. One lives off of the un-friendly side of Euclid Street. She noted the increasing amount of thefts and police presence abundance of black men that populate her neighborhood. This conversation became one of grading their students and evaluating campus climate. "I'm just gunna give all of my students As!" a T.A. says. As if alleviating a factor contributing to high stress levels would ensure your safety. That doesn't solve their problems, you dumb fuck. Doesn't. Solve. The. Problem.

Dekalb. (02/14/08)
Oxnard. (02/12/08)
Memphis. (02/11/08)
Baton Rouge. (02/08/08)
Portsmouth. (02/07/08)

5 U.S. school shootings over the past 8 days.

Quell a school plot conjured in Germany.
Quell another in France.

2 international plots foiled.

Remember Santee.
Remember Columbine.
Remember V-Tech...

..amongst the many.

This is not coincidence.
Why does the media cast these incidents as projects of pathology?
Pass off taxonomy as Truth
Classifying youth
Deduced to a faceless, nameless individual that people saw
but never knew

Schools like prisons,
Why does the media insist that students are model citizens?
The products of an ongoing conditioning process
That originally excluded Other, womyn, and (descendants of) immigrants

Remember violence.
Remember self-hatred.
Remember silence.
Remember to awaken.

No wonder...
Even the free-thinking are imprisoned
The free-spirited have clipped wings

No wonder..
Isolated students are like lost souls

What takes place in the university is no different from society
You have students with heightened sensitivities
You have steamroller ideologies
You have victims of a school/prison system
Wading in what feels like damnation

Education does not mean mind control
Voices are calling
Classroom violence happens so often
Access to weaponry, pulling the trigger
and being triggered
is a microcosm
of the fact that we haven't yet realized that
We. Have. A. Problem.

A Valentine's Day Special

2008-02-14T19:59:00.001-08:00

V-Day Games: (for other word nerds!)WORD DROP GAME

V-Day Book Recommendation: Read the book! See the Vagina Monologues at your local college/university!

V-Day Poem (by Ruby of iLL-Literacy):

And V-Day Music:

EyeASage Muzik Page

Provided by your favorite people: STRONG WOMYN

x_magsalita.

Obama-nation? Abomination?

2008-02-01T00:22:00.000-08:00

Dear Father of Mine

2008-01-26T21:08:00.000-08:00

a pantoum poem inspired by a pinayism poetry workshop led by allyson tintiangco-cubales:

I worry about my wedding day

I said, "You were never there."

My mom really misses you

I feel overwhelmed like my heart is heavy

I said, "You were never there."

There is no father-daughter dance without a father

I feel overwhelmed like my heart is heavy

What am I going to tell my daughter about you?

There is no father-daughter dance without a father

Who's going to walk me down the aisle and give me away?

What am I going to tell my daughter about you?

It's supposed to be the happiest day of my life

Who's going to walk me down the aisle and give me away?

I cry and I wish I could make it stop

It's supposed to be the happiest day of my life

This pain will always be a part of me

I cry and I wish I could make it stop

My mom really misses you

This pain will always be a part of me

I worry about my wedding day

-AP & JS

a blog about blogging

2007-12-26T10:38:00.000-08:00

"It's a funny thing, the blogosphere, making my world a lot bigger and simultaneously a lot smaller." - Charlene P. Lobo Soriano

I started blogging when I was fourteen. In blogging, I found a way to write life into myself. It took a lot of typing and writing to believe that what I did was worthy enough to have someone else read. I've always wanted to record and document my life just in case I was gunna "be somebody" one day. And now I'm glad I did because I find value value in knowing what my everyday used to look like. Sometimes writing is still a process where I have to convince myself that what I have to say is right and worth reading... and I'm trying to quit that.

Counseling first-year college students and learning how to communicate effectively by simply actively listening has taught me that everything comes from somewhere. Mannerisms, political persuasion, social behavior, triggers, daily interests - it all comes from somewhere or has been socialized into everyone's psyche somehow. From this, I've deduced that everyone has a story to tell and I've been more than willing to figure out where everyone's "shit" comes from. So blogging has become one way of trying to figure out where mine comes from.

Yet, maybe blogging is a coming-of-age, rite-of-passage, privileged-position-marking type of hobby. Or maybe we're all just trying to convince ourselves, trying to figure out whether this shit is worth reading.

A lot of people have figured out what blogging can do for them. Among those lucky individuals, is my cousin Char. She's been blogging for about five years now and she's recently edited a new book titled beatsrhymesnlife: anthology (not to be confused with the Beats, Rhymes and Rice tour). Her book is based off of the beatsrhymesnlife blog which features those who contributed to the book. If you're looking for a good, REAL read then by all means please find your way to blurb.com and purchase your copy. Some of the photography is straight up like a still out of a movie. It's an easy read and everyone can find their everyday out of this art. It's also hella Filipino; a lot of the photos are taken around the SF Bay Area or by well-traveled Filipina/os who live there.

"beatsrhymesnlife:anthology is the culmination of writing, photography and art from beatsrhymesnlife writing staff and others. culled from blogs, journals, flickr accounts and other forms, the contents are personal, sometimes emotional and always original"

I tip my hat and toast my invisible glass of champagne (or red wine, Char's fave) to my cousin for taking blogging to a new level. Cheers to making relatable blogs materialize.

x_magsalita.

remaking history

2007-12-21T22:02:00.000-08:00

Being a student worker actually isn't all that bad. I swear I'm going to join the IHateFilingClub which is advertised on every single Pendaflex box ever made (well.. at least since the internet became popularized). I've left work with several papercuts after one sitting and I've never relied so much on coffee that someone else made or imeem.com to keep me awake. But that's besides the point...

I understand the importance and problem with inciting a critical gaze. I know that people only like to look at pretty things, or shiny things or colorful things. I dig that, I do it too. So I thought I'd share with you one of the hapless benefits of having to post pictures as representation. I was asked to choose images for the cover of a department manual. Imagine my shock when my boss was so flexible, careless even, about giving me such a heavy task.

Here is last year's cover (I didn't make it):

Uhm... wtf. So... I'm gunna say that the pictures above are from the Civil War or they're just other images corresponding to European/Western events in white peoples' history. There's a fucking picture of U.S. currency with a fuckin American flag on it. If this is history as of 2007-2008, then I'm going to change it.

So I was like EFF THAT! Here's my cover!

(left to right, top to bottom)

#1: a political cartoon found in one of my favorite books, The Forbidden Book, "Kill Everyone Over 10"

#2: 1989: a lone protester in China's Tiananmen Square stopping the People's Liberation Army

#3: a march for the Women's Suffrage Movement

#4: an "upside-down" map of the world

#5: 1963 Civil Rights March on Washington

#6: the real/forgotten founding fathers - Chief Joseph, Sitting Bull, Geronimo, Red Cloud

There are problems with the events I've chosen, too. I know. I just wanted to re-focus and perhaps get at beginning to remove the colorblind lens that people use when they think about history.

Yes, world, I am going to change history.

x_magsalita.

Asian Hip Hop Summit

2007-12-21T13:33:00.000-08:00

x_magsalita

hooked on the hook up

2007-12-17T22:29:00.000-08:00

Looking to immerse yourself in a new guilty pleasure? Yearning to dive into a world away from reality television? Sick of Sex and the City? Down to explore other definitions of masculinity, femininity and sexuality while having your own normative notions of each challenged? Ready to fall in love with 4-5 men?

If you've answered 'no' to any of the above, then maybe you should just stop reading this now.

I have fallen in love with Noah's Arc. These characters are so damn likable and personable that I forget that I've seldom been exposed to, but have always been inquisitive about LGBT characters and the way they would be written and portrayed on television. The intriguing lives and loves of Noah, Alex, Ricky and Chance have cured this curiosity. The Logo network is composed of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender shows and original movies. One network unlike the usual spotlight shed on sports, bad game shows, unnecessary reruns, or extensions of primarily male-oriented interests is MUCH NEEDED.

If you're interested, here's a site with ALL OF THE EPISODES. There are only 2 seasons; season 1 has 9 episodes and season 2 has 8 episodes. Get yourself hooked if you find that you have a couple of hours to spare. There's a Noah's Arc movie coming out next summer! =)

x_magsalita.

EDIT: The link for Noah's Arc above doesn't work right now. Go here and watch some clips. The Logo Network only hosts episodes 1-4 of season 1.

backyard boogie

2007-12-14T03:12:00.000-08:00

...my hometown happening(s). I can't wait! Copped the flyer from Dandiggity.

If you're gunna be in the Bay, what the hell else are you gunna do on a Wednesday night? Clubs are crackin every night after 'til Sunday. Or, there's always Christmas in the Park in Downtown San Jose, but you might wanna stay out of that piercing cold Bay Area weather.

x_magsalita.

spice it up!

2007-12-11T18:55:00.001-08:00

These are the Spice Girls as I remember them. I'm not gunna lie, there was a period of time where I would religiously collect Spice Girls posters, sift through BOP & Tiger Beat magazines for pin-ups, shop at Limited Too for Spice Girls lollipops, dress like Sporty Spice (because she was my fave) and browse the Internet and CD jackets for lyrics. Seems like it was easy to invest in British whiteness as a Pinay, but that shit was hellllaaa hard to do at an age when I was a young, easily-influenced 5th grader. I also didn't have access to the Internet from home and I made sure I tagged along with my mom to Wal-Mart every week. I had two scrapbooks filled with photos that I would preserve by placing them inside plastic protective pages and searched for articles that I would read and cut out. Damn, I even brought that shit to family parties in Frisco so that they could validate my keen sense of pop music.

My first concert ever was a Spice Girls concert that I went to with my mom. Reader, you have to understand that it took me years to admit this. Throughout all of middle school, I would say that I had never been to a concert. Perhaps I was just waiting for the perfect opportunity or the right conversation about "most embarassing concerts" to come up sometime. But really, it was the Spice Girls' absence coupled with the fear of being labelled as "uncool" in early adolescence that led me to become a chronic liar and charlattan to R&B/Hip Hop when it came to concert-going. But anyway, yes, I went with my mom. Back in the day when tickets were only $40 each. Even then, I knew it wasn't "cool" to go with my mom but I went because my friends were going with their moms. We bought our tickets the day after my friends and I danced to the Spice Girls' "Spice Up Your Life" in our elementary school's talent show. (It took us several months to figure out our own choreography. We even had our friend pretend to be our manager, just like the movie. AND these 4th graders asked us if we were the real Spice Girls.) Then the day after we purchased our tickets, Geri Halliwell left the damn group! I felt like we should have gotten a discount on our tickets since she was the "leader" of the group. How the hell were they gunna preach "forever friendships" when they couldn't even get their shit together? This is probably why I never understood why girlfriends seemed so willing to ditch their girlfriends for boyfriends. Soon after Geri left and after the Spice Girls' trial run at being a 4-person group, I, like every other dedicated fan, grew up and let go. But I waited.

And these are the Spice Girls after they announced their World Reunion Tour. 10 years later, my 10-year-old self inside was elated at the fact that they were back together. Now, after a considerable amount of studying race and gender representation, I can't help but deny academia here. This is one subject I have a hard time critiquing as a blogger.

I saw their show on their first night in Las Vegas and I must say that it was AMAZING. I did, however, reflect on how they should have just stayed together and taken over the world. I did realize that although the little girl inside of me was happy, I wished for them some more personal growth as artists outside of their commercialized images.

So I hope this isn't just an isolated stint of Girl Power that will die after the tour's over and resurface when they need to make some money. Mainstream and the independent artist scene need more female representation. I'm looking forward to it but this world can't wait for another 10 years to go by before we realize that we had a good thing. I understand that some females pay the prices emotionally when they are thrown into mainstream, but I'm not asking for that. I'm asking for females to feel comfortable and to be heard but not at the expense of censoring or limiting ourselves. I'm not asking for women to be given a voice because would imply that we don't have one. That's not it. So I'm waiting.

x_magsalita

is this right?

2007-12-06T20:03:00.000-08:00

"There were centuries when writing was a crime punishable by death. There were times when intelligence was a serious crime....In our exuberance, remember how we became privileged to think and to speak and write." - Carlos Bulosan

I'm working on a paper. Knowing that most of what I think or say is, surprisingly, seen as heretical or radical or just crazy, I usually like to test what "is" and "what's right." But in reality, I often have ineffable experiences.

So, I'm writing about Barack Obama and how race and gender play out in presidential campaigns and media. Leaving out the crux of what I'm ~~writing~~ typing in my essay, I look up the Civil Rights Act to make my claims stronger and provide evidence blah blah blah, you know, the whole college-research-essay-writing deal, minus procrastinating and deciding to do it all the night before:

I clicked on ALL 3 links. (And No, I didn't Google it.)

And I found this! Decided it was blogworthy, and typed this:

So for this, Amerika, I, too, am Billing You For My Rights:

Rafael Casal - Billing Them For My Rights

x_magsalita.

dear reader, p.s.

2007-12-02T18:21:00.000-08:00

a funny post secret:

uhm... 2 girls & 1 cup = hella nasty. but i LOVE watching peoples' reactions.

that is all.

decaffeinated stimulation

2007-12-01T23:41:00.000-08:00

Coffee shop franchises like Starbucks, Pete's Coffee, Coffee Bean, and Coffee Lovers got NOTHING on the Vietnamese coffee shops in San Jose, CA. Granted I'm not in San Jose at the moment, this is some serious stuff and this is in my own backyard.

Some argue that it may be easier to be more concerned with issues and social problems that are farther away from our cities and ourselves. Easier to be concerned with natural disasters displacing communities of color because it's 3 states away, easier to be concerned with the psychology of an Asian American gunman in Virginia because he deviates away from the normal psychology of an "average" college student, easier to be concerned with the juxtaposition of images running for President of the U.S. as opposed to actually noticing that Obama & Hilary (I did that on purpose) have been taking stances on mainstream issues, easier to care about and conquer Iraq, easier to ignore domestic racism, easy to watch shit like Tila Tequila without critical eyes and even easier to not give a fuck.

Tully Road in San Jose towards Eastridge Mall is filled with a couple of plazas composed of small businesses, mom and pop shops, Asian supermarket centers and music stores where you can purchase the latest in K-pop, J-pop or the leftover soft rock CDs from major retail stores - whatever your craving, all are serving the Asian/Asian American population.

Metro visited three Vietnamese coffee shops on Tully Road. All were identical: Loud thumping music; big screen televisions; petite Vietnamese waitresses with ample breasts; young Asian men smoking cigarettes in violation of the state's anti-smoking law (2004).

This Metro article mainly focuses on a coffee bar on Santa Clara Street, the next cross street over from my high school (located on 24th & Santa Clara Street). After looking on yelp.com, turns out that there are several coffee bars in my hometown. These days, Vietnamese coffee bars often have Asian women clad in lingerie, waitressing and serving a primarily male clientele. It's 2007, almost 2008, and these businesses are still running.

I hope, that after having posted several blogs concerning the body politics of Asian women and calling for more respect from the media's tainted lenses and denouncing the ways in which we are seen and see each other from a patriarchal perspective, that I won't have to explain why it's wrong to have women degraded and commodified for commercial purposes. I don't want to tout my opinions as more analysis on why it's nonsensical, violent and disgusting, probably unsafe for these women, to serve coffee in unsuspecting places wearing lingerie and get paid for it.

Remember Chinese women in the early twentieth century who had to sell their bodies on San Francisco streets to survive? Ever heard of Silicon Valley immigrant women who labor over electronic assembly lines? Or taxi dancers in 1920s/30s in Stockton? Or picture brides?

These were not just women trying to put money in the bank. These were not women who are inherently or innately inclined to sexual behavior. These women were not naturally predisposed to desperate actions in tough times.

This is because we are worth more.

x_magsalita.

CONSCIOUS HIP HOP (for free)!

2007-11-23T19:36:00.001-08:00

thisisdahlak.com

Because I already bought my copy and still choose to download music. My local radio station must be right when they say that 'life is good when music is good.' Too bad radio shit ain't that good, otherwise Dahlak would already be on the air, in your car, in your ear, and stuck in your head.

For all you cd-burning-free-downloading-that-cd-ain't-worth-my-10-dollars-folks, it's not your last chance to own Dual Consciousness. Although there won't be any reprints anytime soon, the iLL-Literacy team have been working on getting the album to all major digital distribution retailers (iTunes, Rhapsody, SNOCAP, etc.). Since it will take some time before you will be able to download it from these sites, we decided that we couldn't leave you all without anyway to download it if you so pleased. Therefore, the iLL-Literacy team has decided to make the album available
for FREE download from Black Friday (Nov. 23rd) until January 1st! Please spread the word to friends, family, and anyone who might be interested in downloading some good music for no price and no hassle. Just go to WWW.THISISDAHLAK.COM and download Dual Consciousness onto your personal computer. Thank you so much for supporting the music. Stay tuned. I will try to stay worthy of your
love and support…

Sincerely,
Dahlak

Get in on these updates! I'm a big iLL-Literacy fan, thus I am a fan of Dahlak. I should have added this album to my favorite albums list. =)

x_magsalita.

sweet music

2007-11-18T22:27:00.000-08:00

What are your favorite albums ever of life?

For me, it is so damn hard to come across a damn good album. I really don't think I require much; I am always looking for a really good R&B album. A really good album has tracks that should have been singles or make me feel like I'm glad this song wasn't a single or else everyone would call it 'my song' when it's really everyone's song. A good album evokes nostalgia. And it's indicative of pop culture foreal - it has to take me back to a space and time where I really felt like the song was made for me. I wished that music was more of a two-way creative process because I wanted to respond in more ways than supporting, purchasing, and singing along. An album must have songs that were worth starving myself out of middle school lunches for so that I could save up money just to buy 1 album or a couple of singles at the local Sam Goody. I did this religiously throughout 6th and 7th grade (right before Napster made its mark and right about the time when we invested in a computer and the Internet was 'fast' at 56K status).

Thus, I give you my list of favorite albums ever of my life:

(to my roommates: Greatest Hits do not count! Boy bands are a given! hahaha)

And now, I must add Alicia Keys' As I Am to the list simply because I have been waiting for R&B music to make a comeback, especially off the heels of a woman (no pun intended). I refuse to let Ne-Yo be the sole ambassador of R&B music. Eff that.

x_magsalita.

to the boys that I have loved before...

2007-11-16T01:31:00.000-08:00

A Rough Draft.

"Every woman has a grave deep inside of her." - Mush

This is a casting call. For men to please step out of the gender roles they play and take a look at what's buried inside of you so that we can connect. Maybe I'm just going through some shit right now, but foreal, I need to know the men that I meet in times of their own vulnerability. I don't mean to set a standard. It is far from what I am requesting. I'm not asking for Prince Charming, Hercules, Jesus or Tiger Woods or Justin Timberlake. I don't want a tokenized male figure. I need to know men who are real enough and ready to love. Because there is no room for swagger, machismo and ego. They take up too much space.

To all boys: I need this because I am your friend. I know men who have been deeply affected by their comrades' ignorance and are just as angry as other women. This is not even about anger. Or recognizing each other's struggles. More and more, I begin to think that all Life narratives trace back to a woman. This is a blessing. I don't even want to be appreciated more and I am certainly not asking for empathy. I self-silence, I second guess myself, I put aside my own shit so that I can manage another's world. I don't say things, I say what people want/need to hear, I speak when spoken to and I am tired of carrying this around. This is about allowing myself to do anything. Do you know what that feels like? This is my everyday. And I am tired of male friends who are not down for me. To know that a proud man cannot recognize his sisters' everyday makes me feel like I am in this alone. An evident/overt display of maleness (penetrating media, present in casual conversation or packed into one's appearance) is indicative of our friendship. I can probably count only up to a handful of men that choose to give a fuck and use their privilege as agency. I don't wanna wait until you realize that you have so much to do with this as I do. If we're friends, and you don't get it, then what does that say? It is much easier for you to overlook my problems more than it is for me stop feeling. I, then, get the feeling that you don't care to know or understand what this feels like. I can't keep waiting. I can't keep waiting for you to realize that this is indispensable, continuous, and even caused by some your own actions. To perpetuate such exhibitions of masculinity, flaunted in front of my face, makes me sink back into myself. Back into a place that is all too safe and unknown to others.

Most words and actions need to be heard by someone else in order to be validated. Try speaking up hella and then some and you've just begun to dig deep into me. Everything comes from somewhere. All mannerisms, lifestyles and needs come from somewhere. If counseling has taught me anything, it has been just that.

What happened to Lillith Fair? And Lauryn Hill and Eve? Why is Making Waves (an anthology put together by Asian American Women) out of print and so difficult to locate? Why is there a lack of female representation in the music industry today? Why do men make it so hard for each other to respect their women?

Womyn/women, we are worth more.

(inspired by a series of e-mails containing lies and slander)

there's just nothing like def poetry on youtube

2007-11-06T00:24:00.000-08:00

San Diego Firestorm 2007 - My Story

2007-10-24T01:38:00.000-07:00

pictures taken by: April Pablo

(taken from my personal blog)

~~I woke up at 6:30 a.m. My roommate's phone went off because Ading Chris was calling to let us know the latest news update.~~

~~Last night, wind was blowing hella hard against the trees and against my window.~~

Hmm. I don't even know where to start. Because I think this began far before we found out that this shit is as big as it is. This past weekend was a trip! This past Saturday was forever ago. Our trip included travelling along the 15, passing the 78, the 65, the 5, the 2, the 91 and other freeways. Half of which have been jumped by wildfire. I'm hella scared, y'all. We were driving along wondering what the fuck was up with all of the brown musty air we were driving through. That was on Saturday morning. On Sunday morning, after a long 24 hours of going through the emotions, we drove back and cut through even biggers clouds of what we initially thought was brown fog. We were wrong. Thank human technology, American capitalism and Apple for monopolizing the cell phone market (just this once) because April's iPhone provided us with our first clue towards what determined our next 24 hours. Fires burned in Malibu.

The embers from the fires in Malibu have definitely caught on here in San Diego. There are 8 different fires here in San Diego, 2 of which have been 5% detained. 5% ain't shit. This is for the people back at home that are worrying about me. This is for the people that have ever wanted to empathize with people experiencing what could be tragedy. This is for people who don't fucking get how serious and REAL this is to me.

I went to school yesterday, in La Jolla. Thinking that I had escaped any ugly weather, cuz after all, this IS San Diego. (I even had a cherished conversation with someone about the great San Diego weather.) Now, the weather is unlike the way it was commonly referenced during that conversation. Little did I know, those clouds were chasing right after us. This could happen to anyone, foreal. SO if in the back of your mind, you're like "Oh, I'm glad it's not me" well then YEAH. GOOD THING IT'S NOT YOU because maybe this is meant to challenge and reaffirm those who needed the validation more.

How do you pack a life into a suitcase? I asked myself this question in deep thought and out of leisure before, but I never thought that I'd actually have to ask myself in case of an emergency. I went through the emotions again this morning. Last night. During dinner. Right now. I have to force myself to part with a room full of replaceables. I don't know where my important papers are, all I have is identification. The people on the radio say that the most important thing to save is myself. I agree, but really, I know bureaucracy. I know this system. Papers are made important.

Last night we all gathered around Jon's laptop 1950s style to listen to the radio. It was very traditional of us, I suppose. And at the same time, very necessary. As I fell asleep, I could hear the wind against my window. I could feel something wrong. And I have to open myself up to the very possibility of a sense of urgency. I'm scared. Reminded of Hurricanes Rita and Katrina. Reminded of my experience in Louisiana. Reminded of times when I wished that I could feel this out for myself. Reminded of empathy. And to empathize.

Dorothy and Chris came home later than I did last night. And when they entered the house, I could smell the smoke emitting from their clothes as they trudged past me. We could see the way the light didn't shine through the window onto our neighbor's side of the house like it used to. The smoke and ash must have swallowed up the light.

Although my roommates and I crack some inside jokes every now and then, I still think that smiling accidentally due to laughter makes me feel guilty. Something similar to survivor's guilt. Like this safe space is undeserved. Because there are already hella people that have lost their homes. But I'm sure that this is what these kinds of emergencies often do, sparking craze to make the already underprivileged feel even more frustrated.

I woke up to Ading Chris' phone call to my roommate Dorothy. Sheepishly, I ask what's up and she recommends that we leave right away. We pack only essentials, so once again, how do I pack up my life thus far into a suitcase? My stream of consciousness led to me to believe that I should pack things that I'll need for the future, or things I'll miss - everything else "essential" must have slipped my mind. Freaking out, I have to force myself to remain calm. I have to force myself to rest under utter confusion. I have to make sure I'm prepared. We pack clothes for a couple days, I packed blankets, folders that I think I'll need with these 'important papers', and I mentally pack away any vulnerabilities that can trigger an outpour of rootless tears. I don't know whether I should push forward or quiet cries. I don't know.

The weather is HELLA bad. Ash floating along tainted air, this air and smoke takes the shape of my lungs and I cough out to grasp more of the fresh air I think I had when I was inside our house. I wrap my thin scarf around my face because Dorothy recommends that it'll filter any of the bad stuff out. I believe her, she's been quite a recommend-er thus far. Ash has pocketed itself into unlikely crevices. I open a car door and ash comes out, floating again. My shoes scuff our driveway and ash appears lifted but only to climb back down again. I wore my running shoes, just in case.

We take two cars and head towards La Jolla. I called my supervisor/mentor earlier when I woke up and she recommended that we head towards school. But then that's where Tep and I found out that school was officially cancelled. We headed to the Cross-Cultural Center to figure out where to go and how to simultaneously save the world at the same time. Crowding a round table with our laptops, personal shit and breakfast food.

I called my mom to tell her what's going on. She laughed when I told her that I brought my blankie over other items. I was thinking about what I would miss the most, not about what what I would need the most. This is where "essentializing" fails. Because I was thinking long-term, which is a little silly, but foreal, whatevs. I've contacted most of my friends from back home, and I'm shocked at how this news hasn't reached as far the Bay as much as I'd like. But when yall asked me if I've been affected, then I would say YES. And if I'm alright, then YES, I would appear to be alright. This is even difficult to think through because I still think that my smiling is unforgivable. I can't sit in front of the television set anymore, so that's why I must ~~write~~ type. Anyway, I'm glad my mom doesn't know what's exactly going on here. I'm a little comforted by the fact that she doesn't have to worry as much about me. Life has already spared us earlier this week, I don't wanna give her another reason to stress. Bad enough that both of her children are down in Southern California. But having George Dubya declare a State of Emergency in California doesn't do anything. I just have more illogical reason to keep to myself, but away from home. So every interaction with the unfamiliar down here in SoCal is that much more of a reminder that I am not at home. In San Jose. With my parents. With my brother. In my room. Under my covers - the only place in this world that cannot be shaken. But I'm OKAY here. I really, really am.

So we decided to head over to Jay's heezy. I'm very thankful for this place right now. Things have been really confusing and stressful and uncertainty is also hard to live in. But now all of my roomies + Ading Chris are together and I'm glad that we have forged a family.

Convoy Street for dinner wasn't as poppin, but still poppin. Amazing how some people can still gather themselves to look hella hip hop amidst this craziness. But the ohmygods, the what the fucks, the what ifs and all other exclamations do not put themselves away for anything. When I'm quick to judge, when I'm wondering why there's gray haze all over the place, when I wonder what's not being aired on television. It all adds up to a simple fear of being powerless.

Doro, Carms & Chris headed back to Mira Mesa to grab some real important things. They call to confirm the checklist of our belongings that me, Tep and April asked them to remember. They say that it's hard to breathe there. I believe it and I'm even more scared because they're up there. The only thing separating us from the 56 freeway near the wildfires is the 56 freeway. The news channels need not leave the 56 freeway as a boundary line because it doesn't stop a fire from jumping the freeway.

The wildfires are affecting all of San Diego. It feels like smoke is closing in on all my San Diego. I see people with shirts held over their noses, or with gas masks or with some form of protection from the smoke. Sleeping that night was harder and easier to do at the same time.

-------

I wake up to Ading's bootybootybooty ringtone for his mom. There are now 10 fires in San Diego. Solana Beach was evacuated overnight. School is still cancelled. And I'm feeling like my mental is cluttered. And I expect to be extremely moody this week. Cristina texts me and tells me to call her "right when she gets this!" So I talk with the roomies for a little bit and go back to sleep for a little. When I finally called Cristina, she swooped me up and we went to Target, had lunch and walked around Mission Valley. Every time we stepped outside, the air seemed to get drier and more dense. The pungent smell of exhausted fire breathed into me.

I talk a great talk with Cristina about friendships. Some people should try it.

One of my roomies calls me to tell that school's canceled for the week. Still out with Cristina, I've already (somehow) decided to get my ass home. Because the reality is that San Diego isn't safe right now. I bought a one-way ticket to Oakland (because San Jose flights were all full) at 4:00p, got back to Mira Mesa before 5:00p, left at 5:30p, got to the airport at 6:00p for a 7:50p flight and I arrived in the Bay at 9:15p. This has definitely been A TRIP.

I haven't really seen news about the SoCal fires up here. The governator is already talking about re-building. SignonSanDiego.com says that the Marines will help this time around. More people have been displaced and evacuated than when Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast, the news anchors say. People are always comparing this shit to Katrina, but no one knows about Rita. How this destruction is even comparable is beyond me. I really feel for the people whose addresses are posted on the news marquees - if your number is listed, then it may not be standing, unless otherwise stated. This reminds of the Look & Leave program. Reminds me of how San Diego is not home this time around, how I'm not from here. Reminds me of how fortunate I am to be able to leave.

Ashes are residual matter. And it is also a reminder of what once was.

pictures taken by: April Pablo

x_magsalita.

America's Asian Fetish

2007-10-21T21:10:00.000-07:00

Oh, Tila Tequila.

How else can we think about the hype and her personality? At first, I just didn't understand how so many people could fall into her. And how millions of people would add her on MySpace, go so far as to leave a comment and then leave a sexually suggestive one, at that.

This is about more than just witnessing America develop its Asian Fetish. And yes, I do think that Americans have an Asian Fetish deriving from Orientalist perceptions. Orientalism is to other, to create Other-ness and also determine lands now known as Asia and the Middle East as far away, exotic locations. To 'Other' is as if to 'Third-World' a nation. To label land and the people seemingly tied down to it as Others, less than, lower, unworthy compared to the comparer. Or to inadvertently exclude a people that are perceived to be a part of a nation, or of a certain land. Nation doesn't necessarily mean land. And I'm not tryna get all Ethnic Studies (which is also problematic!) on folks, I'm being foreal. Othering takes place all the time.

To call an Asian woman exotic means to call her strangely attractive. Therefore, exotic, is an oxymoronic compliment (or comment, rather). This is triggering, detrimental to the image and representation of the Asian woman. This kind of attraction is skin deep and the sores run under the surface. To call an Asian woman exotic implies judgement based on shallow and superficial assumptions. Tila Tequila represents white America's proclamation of an Asian Fetish. Their obsession with her body, their creation of her new Flavor-Flav-like dating show and their emphasis on bisexuality further appropriates America's allowance and perpetuation of the Asian Other. And not just Other, but Woman.

Stemming from the sadly stereotyped hypersexual Asian female, rebirthed from the early 20th century Asian prostitute, then twisted into a sexual being and actively made to be the inscrutable staple character to which the white imagination masturbates. Asian women are left to retrogress. We waiver, attempt to take strides racing against Other races. This is gender. This is sexuality. This is race. This speaks to the regard in which Asian women are essentialized!

With the presence of an Asian woman on-screen, America can pat itself on the back for diversifying the variety found on TV guide. When in reality, a reality show is like ten steps back into for Asian American actresses who work hard against being cornered into an oversimplified role taken from Asian American history. Asian Americans are continually excluded from real opportunity but made to work for a system that privileges money-making over self-respect. Tila is popular for her body. For dressing in scantily clad outfits, and for being Asian while meeting white standards of beauty (and I'm especially noting the hair). It's not mere coincedence that an Othered woman is used to explore herself through sexual means.

I don't want to be any type of surprised (even if it's un-surprised) by what makes good television, or by what intentionally is leftover for people of color in the entertainment industry, or by what subordinate positions are pre-determined for marginalized identities.

America, fuck you for your Asian Fetish.

x_magsalita.

it's october 1st!

2007-10-01T00:27:00.000-07:00

The start of Filipin@ History Month

Release of Jose Maria Sison

2007-09-14T22:01:00.000-07:00

"Statement on My Release from Detention
By Prof. Jose Maria Sison
13 September 2007

Friends, Warmest greetings!

I am deeply pleased and thankful that the Rechtsbank has decided to release me from detention. You cannot imagine how happy I am. It is extremely painful and humiliating to be subjected to solitary confinement and tough interrogation under overheated lamps. The ordeal is acute because I am innocent of the false and politically-motivated charge leveled against me. I have nothing to do with any murder. This is against my moral and political principles. I am a teacher by profession who loves the exchange of ideas towards common understanding and practical cooperation. I have long devoted myself to the advocacy of human rights and work for a just peace in the Philippines. I cannot go into the facts and arguments concerning my case. It is my lawyer Michiel Pestman who is competent to give you the information that you need.

Consequent to the release order of the Rechtsbank, I gain some confidence in the Dutch legal system. I have the opportunity to prove my innocence and continue to benefit from fair play. I feel somehow vindicated in choosing The Netherlands as my place of refuge from persecution in the Philippines. I also wish to thank the Dutch, Filipino and other peoples for their solidarity and support.

I will stay in the Netherlands with my wife and my two children who are already independent. I will conduct my legal defense and further clear my name. I will continue to exercise my freedom to speak and other democratic rights. I will continue to work for national freedom, human rights, social justice and an enduring, because just, peace in the Philippines.

I will continue to abide by the laws of the Dutch state and further develop solidarity with the Dutch people whose friendship and kindness I have enjoyed for more than 20 years.

Thank you."

source: Habi Arts & BAYAN USA

x_magsalita.

the post 9/11 update

2007-09-14T16:54:00.000-07:00

As I've mentioned before, I catch the early morning but actually late night news headlines since I'm still treating these days like summer nights.

There's a common denominator between recent headlining news and what's given more attention or the stories that are repeated when I flip channels amongst news stations only to find that they're the same stories. (Current) Events are about timing. 9/11 has become the call for American patriotism as demonstrated by half staff flags, red, white and blue candle-lit vigils and memorials. An emotional celebration to honor the lives of the brave individuals affected can also be used (or has been used) to discreetly condemn foreign power or any actions that seemingly counter the need for solitude & remembrance. Emotional tolls are indeed immeasurable; I have never had grieving solitude without remaining wary and critical of what got me there in the first place. These commemorations must not be further manifestations of blind faith.

I find it interesting and peculiar to know that after celebrating 9/11 as an unofficial national holiday, headlines are just as propagandist and accusatory as ever. Blind faith happens, and it seems as though the message being sent is about trusting the powers that we do seem to control. I see that now being taken in two opposing ways.. 1) trust the Bush administration to handle these matters or 2) exhaust the system for change as civilians. The rest of this entry commends and highlights events that utilize strategy #2.

Update: Justice for the Jema 6... or 5?

"Court overturns teen's conviction in racial beating case:

A black teen's conviction in a racial beating case has been overturned by an appeals court in Louisiana, which said the boy should not have been tried as an adult.

Mychal Bell is one of six black Jena High School students charged in the beating of a white student amid racial tensions, and one of five originally charged as adults with attempted second-degree murder.

The charges brought widespread criticism that blacks were being treated more harshly than whites in this Southern town. The case drew international attention, and one by one the charges against the teens have been reduced.

Bell, who was 16 at the time of the beating, had been convicted of aggravated battery, which could have sent him to prison for 15 years...." source

"Ok, so if you've been under a rock... this is what is still happening in America... Land of the Free? Home of the Brave?" - Rudy Francisco the Poet

Update: MoveOn.org ad in the New York Times

Hella heat rising after this was released. Considering Pres. Bush & Gen. Petraeus recently gave a speech and presentation, respectively, regarding the War in Iraq (which I so lovingly tuned in for), the post 9/11 rhetoric is building on blind faith and strategy #1. A speech full of contradiction need not be given.

Things seem to be moving on, but timing is crucial. And lives hang and wait to be lived when we place faith in the wrong hands.

x_magsalita.

storm season

2007-09-13T12:57:00.000-07:00

Oh no, Ms. Roxy.

That was my first reaction and worry when I heard about Hurricane Humberto.

Last March I participated in an Alternative Spring Break program that schooled me on Southwest Louisiana during and after the storm. About the other Hurricane, Hurricane Rita, not Katrina. I’m actively discerning Rita from Katrina because coverage about Rita’s destruction was so absent and made invisible in the media. And I don’t mean to discredit the media entirely because, otherwise, I wouldn’t have heard about Hurricane Humberto at all. Humberto is hitting SWLA pretty hard right now, and is literally hitting home.

Ms. Roxy is the owner of the quaint, humble home that United Way took up as a repair project. Ms. Roxy and her home were featured on MTV. So for four weeks, hundreds of volunteers came in and out of her house working, painting, mudding, scraping, texturing, installing, building, etc. And I was fortunate enough to have been one of them.

"Welcome. Make youself at home!" was the first thing she told me when I arrived at her residence along with a van full of peers that were eager to work on a real house. And I feel for Ms. Roxy. Maybe because I know what it’s like to respect single mothers. Maybe it was her outgoing personality that suggested that a fellow volunteer should braid her hair for community service. Maybe it was her infectious laughing that set out to simultaneously tease and comfort all of the volunteers. Or maybe because her two children grew on me. I still remember seeing one of her somber sons sit, head in his hands, on their newly painted stoop away from the group because he wanted to prolong the inevitable farewell to the last week of volunteers. That was the only time of that entire trip when I felt the way I saw him - I didn't want to say goodbye.

Earlier this summer, I caught a poetry slam at the Nuyorican Poets Café, and one of (perhaps THE) most salient line that I repeat to myself in memory is about “those things that you just can’t have a picture of.” Ms. Roxy’s son on the stoop is certainly just that.

These days, I catch the early morning (or in my case, super late night) news and I’ve seen hella segments that are live in Louisiana. One took place in Holly Beach, an area completely wiped out because of Hurricane Rita. The possibility of these same people losing their homes seems so much more tangible. It’s disheartening.

But I guess I needed another reason to believe in Mother Nature. The more I dig deep for connections, I find that life narratives are indeed female. Almost inherently female.

Hurricane Rita – September 24th, 2005.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I am absolutely smothered by the IDEA of this tour:

www.gilesli.com
www.myspace.com/kiwi
www.baophi.com

Smothered. Please please please happen at a venue near me.

x_magsalita

i voted.

2007-09-12T06:02:00.000-07:00

So what? Sue me. I, like the masses, essentially appeal to Kanye for being more blunt and outspoken than your average beatmaker. That, and I find him personable and political. However, I have considered the fact that words are only validated if heard. Despite Kanye's identified affinity for sampling, he's got more power and avenues to say what everyone's thinking. Therefore, it seems like he says everything first. Point is, I voted.

I'm lacking ambition here.

x_magsalita.

UPDATE ON THE GABNET 3

2007-08-15T03:18:00.000-07:00

Hot off the press.

x_magsalita.

After about an hour of negotiation at the Immigration Counter, the
GABNET 3, with the help of Rep. Liza Maza and GABRIELA Attorney Alnie
Foja, were able to make the case that they were not terrorists and had
the right to travel back to the US.

They are currently on their flights to SF and LA along with Katrina Socco.

CHEERS TO ALL OF YOU FOR ALL YOUR HARD WORK. The advocacy in the
States definitely pushed the Embassy and the Philippine Government to
allow them to leave!

You will all receive a full update from the GABNet 3 once they return.
I just wanted to relay to all of you what I was able to gather from
the text messaging and reports from Liza and Alnie when they exited.

ISULONG!

See you all soon.....

--
Jollene Levid

--
GABRIELA Network
(www.gabnet.org)

FREE THE GABNET THREE!

2007-08-11T10:32:00.000-07:00

I know that I don't blog often and I was very upset to find that out about Dr. Enrile. I've met her twice before and she is an amazing, inspirational PINAY.

What angers me most is that this really hits close to home. That there is STILL political repression that affect and disconnect Philippine America even more.

x_magsalita

Dear Friends, Allies, and Supporters

The San Diego delegation for the 10th Women's International Solidarity
Affair in the Philippines has returned. We can't wait to share our experiences with you and report on our different exposure trips.

Unfortunately, our National Chairperson, Annalisa Enrile, did not make
it back with us, although we were all supposed to be on the same flight.
Below are the details.

Please take the time today to fax the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines to
demand her release back to the U.S. Below is a sample letter. Please
change it up a little and add your personal touch. Our goal is to have
at least 50 letters from San Diego get to the U.S. Embassy in the
Philippines.

We should also be ready to picket the Philippine Embassy on August 15,
in the event that Ninotchka Rosca and Judith Mirkinson are also detained
at the airport. Watch for the email on Aug. 14 and/or 15.

If anyone has media contacts, please email me directly so that we can
coordinate our media campaign. Attached is Annalisa's statement to the
U.S. Embassy in the Philippines.

In Solidarity,

Emelyn

Emelyn dela Pena, Director
UCSD Women's Center

-----Original Message-----
From: GABRIELA Network Secretary General [mailto:secgen@gabnet.org]
Sent: Thursday, August 09, 2007 8:26 AM
To: gabnet@gabnet.org
Subject: URGENT ACTION - GABNET 3 "HELD" IN PHILIPPINES

Dear GABNet members, allies and friends:

On August 5, 2007, GABRIELA Network USA National Chairperson Dr.
Annalisa Enrile was barred from leaving the Philippines. She was not
allowed to board her return flight home to the US. She was told that
she is on a "watchlist." Two other GABNet women--Judith Mirkinson and
Ninotchka Rosca--are reportedly on the same "watchlist."

Dr. Enrile, Ms. Mirkinson and Ms. Rosca were in the Philippines, along
with other GABNet members and officers, for the 10th bi-annual Women's
Solidarity Affair in the Philippines. The GABNet 3 also led the
GABNet-co-sponsored human rights mission to the Philippines with US
women lawyers in May-June 2006.

We are demanding that the Philippine government "release" the GABNet 3
and allow them to return home. We need your HELP in pressuring the US
Embassy and the US Ambassador to the Philippines to act on behalf of
these 3 US citizens/permanent resident and demand that the Philippines
"release" them at once.

ACTION - WHAT YOU CAN DO TODAY, AUGUST 9TH: FAX the US Embassy,
American Citizen Service, 011 63 2 522-3242 and/or Ambassador Kenney,
011 63 2 522-4361. Below is a sample letter. Please re-word. And
please distribute this call to action far and wide. Stay tuned for more
action/s.

---------
US Ambassador to the Philippines
Manila, Philippines

I wish to voice my concern about the status of US citizens Dr. Annalisa
Enrile and human and women's rights activists Judith Mirkinson, and of
US permanent resident Ninotchka Rosca, a writer and novelist. Dr. Enrile
was prevented from boarding her return flight from Manila to Los Angeles
on August 5th and was informed that she was on a "hold" order from the
Philippine Department of Justice. It has been subsequently reported that
both Ms. Mirkinson and Ms. Rosca are on the same "hold" list.
Considering that 90 women organizers, activists and leaders have been
assassinated in the Philippines since 2001, and considering that the
Philippines is second only to Iraq in the number of writers and media
people murdered, we are urging the US embassy and your office to demand
that the Philippine government stop holding these three women hostage
and let them return to their lives and work in the US.

Signed:
Name
Address
---------

Thank you.

Onward,

Doris Mendoza
Secretary General
GABRIELA Network USA
PO Box 403, Times Square Station
New York, NY 10036
Tel: (212) 592-3507
Mobile: (718) 753-0257
Email: secgen@gabnet.org

---

August 8, 2007

Her Excellency Kristie A. Kenney
Ambassador
Embassy of the United States of America
Roxas Boulevard, Manila
Philippines

Your Excellency:

I am an American citizen, an assistant professor of the University of Southern California who recently brought and led a graduate class of 25 for direct field experience on the subject “Feminist Theory and Social Change.”

I am requesting the Embassy’s assistance because the Philippine government is refusing to let me return to the United States even though I know of no charges or cases against my person. Furthermore, I have been and am being shuffled from the Department of Justice to the Bureau of Immigration to some office called NICA. Since August 5, 2007 when I was stopped from boarding my flight home, I have not been told any specific reason as to why I am being prevented from returning to my home country.

My human and civil rights are being violated by this surrealist procedure dictated by some unknown entity/person. This is causing me extreme distress, as well as jeopardizing my professional standing and causing me financial hardship. As I have not made provisions to stay in the Philippines beyond August 5, I am practically a homeless person, dependent on the good will of friends for my board and lodging. I am of mind to sue whoever gave the “hold” order for actual and punitive damages, which are accumulating daily.

It would be good if the Embassy can help me find out the basis for this hold order and its veracity, as well as its origins so that I may seek justice. Please find attached my signed declaration on the events of the past four days. I may be reached at 0918-273-0744.

Thank you very much.

Respectfully,

Annalisa Vicente Enrile, Ph.D., MSW
Assistant Professor
University of Southern California
School of Social Work

Chronology of Events

On August 5, 2007, 8 p.m., I checked in my luggage for my flight back to Los Angeles via Philippine Airlines. I was accompanied by three other women who were all US citizens. Five of my students who were on the same flight had gone ahead and checked in without incident. Twenty students and an instructor who had earlier flights also were able to leave without incident.

I paid my airport terminal fee and proceeded to the Immigration booth to have my passport exit-stamped. The agent scanned my passport and then called a supervisor over. The two conferred. They asked me my name and I gave them my name: Annalisa Vicente Enrile. They said I was on the watchlist. I asked them what that meant and what was a watchlist. They said I couldn’t leave the country; that I needed to get clearance from the Bureau of Immigration and Deportation. They then returned my boarding pass, having written “offloaded” on it. They also returned my passport.

As it was already quite late, I had my bags taken off the plane and proceeded to a friend’s house so I could wait for office hours. The next day, I went to the Bureau of Immigration and Deportation where they told me I had to file an affidavit of denial because the name on the “watchlist” didn’t have a middle name nor a birthdate on it. I had to seek the help of a lawyer to prepare this affidavit.

When I tried to file the affidavit of denial, the Bureau of Immigration and Deportation told me to get clearance from the Department of Justice. By this time, I was so exhausted and traumatized that I asked a lawyer-friend to help me get the clearance. At the Department of Justice, she was told to get a clearance for me from NICA. At NICA, she was told to go back to the Bureau of Immigration and Deportation. Today, August 8th, we were told by the Bureau of Immigration and Deportation that we should go to the Department of Justice.

At this point, it became clear that this process was one of intimidation and harassment, that there was actually no legal nor ethical basis to hold me in the Philippines and to prevent me from returning to my home country. This is such an overt violation of my civil and human rights that I decided to seek the help of the US Embassy in Manila, which in accordance with the stated foreign policy of the US government, should be in support of open, clear and democratic processes, and should be fostering respect for civil and human rights, first and foremost for it’s own citizens.

Annalisa Vicente Enrile, Ph.D., MSW
Assistant Professor
University of Southern California
School of Social Work

BRAVE new VOICES

2007-07-18T03:08:00.000-07:00

Click here for event details.

Two HEELLLAA dope events are taking place in the Bay this weekend and I can't even be there. The Brave New Voices Festival is down the street from my own neighborhood in San Jose! WTF! I hope that at least someone I know can make it.

Special guests at the event include Kelly Zen-Yie Tsai (who has been featured on this blog before), Saul Williams, and Beau Sia. I would freak out if I met them. I was fortunate enough to meet Kelly in NYC this past June. I also met Marlon Esguerra and I hella cried in happiness when I did. I didn't think I would but I respect these people and their words so much that my tears let themselves out in joy. Giving voice to self is incredibly difficult - another reason why spoken word is that much more triumphant yet humbling.

Now that I'm reminded of it, if you haven't seen the movie Slam then I definitely recommend it. Not just because Saul Williams and Beau Sia are in it, but because the cyphers in that film are sooo fresh and real. I never knew that love poems would make soul-soothing cypher material until I saw this film.

x_magsalita.

there's about to be a (what?) GiRL FeST!

2007-07-08T21:07:00.000-07:00

I am trying to make sure my plans are in order so that I can get there. Please visit girlfestbayarea.org for more info.

x_magsalita.

Get Up, I Get Down

2007-07-06T02:05:00.000-07:00

I have grown to love spoken word for capturing life's moments using voice as its sole instrument and for recreating life stories with sophisticated introspection. Yes, these artists and poets speak to me, but they do it such a way that leads me into my own dark tunnel of self, looking for whatever it was inside that made me click and connect to their words.

I actually have a lot of blog topics already done, but haven't been able to post them up. Traveling is hella crazy... and prevents me from blogging. Don't worry though, absence makes the heart grow fonder. =)

Hip Hop & Spoken Word (as demonstrated by Kanye West & J. Ivy)... another topic I will further research and report back. Seeking inspiration and stumbling upon wisdom, I found this. Enjoy.

x_magsalita.

Run this.

2007-06-14T01:17:00.001-07:00

"She has survived the hard life. But the story of her oppression and her resistance is not on the screen.” - Norman K. Denzin

Running away is not the answer. Neither is making money off of real womens' painful memories and experiences.

(I was reminded of this short essay I wrote when a friend referenced this video & Ludacris at an Open Mic Nite.)

In the video, Ludacris and MJB attempt to shed light on issues of runaway youth. This music video promotes social consciousness and awareness about sexual violence, rape, suicide, poverty, women’s issues, homelessness, abuse, drugs and alcohol. At the same time, the music video produces images of helpless females in dire need of a present but absent authority figure. The authority figure is present because they are shown in the video, yet they are also absent because of the manner in which Ludacris describes their lack of involvement in their children’s lives. The three girls, with three different stories, are described by what is deemed as strife caused by an absence of a loved one.

The images shown are problematic in conjunction with the lyrics. Ludacris is speaking from a male’s perspective and reduces the lives of these women to troubled, shattered and scarred lives. Ludacris raps about Little Lisa’s mother with a drug addiction that sleeps around with different men and also ignores her whenever she attempts to speak with her. This image reinforces the master narrative that privileges a male storyteller in a way that stereotypes women living in urban cities as helpless or needing immediate help. In telling the story of a little girl neglected by her mother, this reinforces the idea that single women are unable to take care of their children.

The second story that Ludacris tells centers around ten-year old Little Nicole who is abused by an alcoholic stepfather and only completely understood by her best friend named Stacy. Unfortunately, Lil’ Stacy dies from a drive-by shooting and Nicole is left in the world to fend for herself. Stacy, as the first young black girl that the audience is introduced to, is the first and only girl that gets killed in this story. Stacy is portrayed as the first youth that is competent and understanding, but is the first one that is targeted to die. In addition, Nicole is a young white girl. It is interesting that the young black girl is the one who is situated to understand Nicole’s abuse. The way in which Ludacris enunciates ‘Little (Nicole)’ from ‘Lil’ (Stacy)’ not only creates a rift in language, but is seemingly purposely done to represent the differences between the two young girls in terms of cultural background and language to denote privilege, class and unequal power relations.

The third and final story told through the eyes and voice of Ludacris is about Little Erica. Suicidal Erica is in love with an older boy who leave her impregnated and decides that he is not ready to become a father. Erica doesn’t have enough money for an abortion, as if it is the only way out of her misery, and decides to runaway instead of telling her mother about the pregnancy. The video shows that her decisions are made out of consequence rather than rationality or choice. Erica is a young black girl that seems to evoke a different kind of moral issue. Her story is told as if this kind of choice was preventable and that this was a problem that she brought on herself, whereas, the other little white girls in the video experience types of violence that are brought onto them.

This song and video maintains dominant forces of patriarchal hegemony. Each little girl in the video is affected by a male figure. The song allows the depicted little girls to act out of fear and irrationality thus justifying running away. Because positive males are absent, their lives are even more broken and their futures are even more insecure. Lacking a man in a family signifies lacking familial coherence and inevitably facing problems of the urban poor. These images that show that black people cause their own problems, which are reinforced in this video. At the same time, this video deviates from the master narrative in that the problems of the urban city are being promoted as issues that should be society’s concern.

x_magsalita.

"The N Word"

2007-06-12T23:12:00.000-07:00

Inspired by Sandra Cisneros' The House on Mango Street. It's a classic, please believe it. I also recommend You Bring Out the Mexican In Me if you haven't read it or been inspired by her work already. I'm constantly trying to figure out what this blog is for. And another reason is that I'm trying to create a space for myself that allows me to grow as a writer. Here goes...

The N Word

My best friend Lola was African-American. She taught me a lot about why white people and black people didn’t get along, even though in school we always learned about white people freeing black people and other colored people. The stupid boys in the class would say that Lola always wrote about African-American history. I never got to learn about Filipino history in my elementary school textbooks. I would always only ever find one small paragraph at a time about the Philippines and the war they were in. I can’t really remember which one it was. But Lola was lucky because she got to learn about African-Americans during Black History Month or once when our fifth grade class got to see a play about the life of Martin Luther King, Jr.

I remember that play because Lola was mad when the actors asked the audience to pretend that a character was supposed to be black when they wore a black cloth around their necks and that a character was white when they wore a white cloth around their neck. Black people’s skin is not black. They should be wearing brown, Lola said. I agreed but I was still confused.

Me and Lola and the other girls in our fifth grade class used to bring our lunches to school in our Arctic Zone lunch packs. We used to eat inside with the other kids who got free lunches, but I told my mom that it was easier for me to be with my friends if I just brought my lunch to school. The kids who brought their lunches were only allowed to eat on the benches outside in the sun and since those benches were filled with people we barely knew, we decided to sit on the ground and have a picnic-style lunch. Lola and I always ate lunch with Melissa, Ruben, Katie, Jenna, Alex and Corina.

Katie and Jenna were the leaders of our group. They didn’t live in our neighborhood and their parents were always able to pick them up right after school. Sometimes Jenna’s mom would eat lunch with us. Katie and Jenna always got us together to hang out and get ice cream together during lunch time and we would always follow them. The one time no one ever followed them but followed Lola and I was when Jenna called Lola the N word for no reason at all when they were playing together. I guess Jenna got mad at Lola, but that doesn’t give her the right to say that word. Didn’t she pay attention when we were learning history? That word was not supposed to be used anymore. I hope she got in trouble with her mom.

All of our friends huddled and hugged Lola because we wanted to comfort her and stop her from crying. That was the first time I had ever seen my best friend cry! It was as if the world stopped spinning and my heart stopped beating because I always just knew that Lola was such a strong girl. Everyone else knew it too.

x_magsalita.

spread the word.

2007-06-05T01:22:00.000-07:00

x_magsalita.

Before I go crazy...

2007-06-03T01:23:00.000-07:00

This isn't something I've researched (yet) or something that is completely inexplicable. This is something big. Like BIG. Like super unimaginably big. Or BIG. Whatever, you get it, this is important.

Lately, I find myself stumbling and second guessing my words. Not because I don't know what to say or because I'm just so inarticulate or because I may need a moment to think. I have a million things going through my mind at any one moment.

So what happens when what comes out of mouth isn't what's going through mind? (This is the "main point" if you don't take anything else away from this post.)

Sometimes the phrase "words are not enough" definitely holds true, but that's just it! That's it! It. I-T. That's the very thing (ambiguous word) that plagues me about language, communication, etymology, semantics, vocabulary, etc. The way that we communicate and live is un-whatever I think. Because then I find that the physical just can't compete or catch up. You know what, though? This blog doesn't even scratch the surface of the surface of the title of the topic that is bothering me. Bothering isn't even the word I'm looking for, yet it comes close to this struggle (also not the word I'm looking for) that

(left unfinished on purpose)

Language is not a definite thing. I-T's not. We attach meanings to make sense and make patterns to form comfort. SO if you ask me why something is or why it exists expecting to fRom-ulate expectations and purpose foRm my words, then I really can't relay the UTMOST confusion I experience/go through/process/live/create/interpret/see. Synonyms are another story. And stories are another paradigm.

I'm about to pull my hair out over this. And please don't think "Oh, I know what you mean" because you really, REALLY, real-ly, re-ally don't.

x_magsalita.

and another one.

2007-05-20T15:05:00.000-07:00

I guess this is the closest that I'll ever get to watching Leah Taguba perform.

Leah Taguba

x_magsalita.

yeeeeaayyuuuhhh

2007-05-11T23:18:00.000-07:00

Here's a blog I promised to deliver.

Have you ever seen Lil Jon without his sunglasses on? Would we even know what he would look like if he didn't have some sunglasses and dreads or head covering on? I don't know bout other folks, but it's been bothering me.

This is not a post to hate on mainstream hip hop, crunk music or Lil Jon himself. I'm attempting to explore the importance/significance of attaching a material item to one's identity as a social marker. I'm just gunna type this through...

Lil Jon's sunglasses. An attempt at setting himself apart from all of the other rapper/producers that feature themselves on others' one-word titled tracks? Maybe they're prescripted? Perhaps he feels the need to always keep his eyes out of the sun and out of the flashy-flashy lights brought on by the paparazzi? Who knows? (If you do, let me know.)

My point is, a lot of the emphasis on his image, and other celebs' images, seems to be based on his sunglasses that have become one of his most salient facial features. Strip away the dreads, the grill, the head coverings and the sunglasses and we will have a regular Black man whose image will no longer be recalled into memory. Not because his race automatically makes him insignificant or that he falls into the background of our society's political agenda, but because our language has slipped into succumbing to oversimplification. Because the traces of his image in your memory will be erased and the casual conversation, these days, doesn't consist of vivid imagery or exact mathematics measuring the darkness of skin, the roundness of face, the outlines and angles of one's bone structure or any complex phenotype. Our words and syntax unfortunately don't account for what does count or what should count. Not to harp on language as an insufficient form of vernacular, but if we are made to use words as a primary source of communication, then why aren't they enough? It seems as if we almost have to lend ourselves to material items to differentiate ourselves from each other. As if we are forced to extend our personalities in order to stake our claims, faces and spaces so that others can try to figure out how to reach, describe and vibe with us. Yet, we give ourselves to mass produced objects making ourselves mass produced objects.

I'm not imploring Lil Jon to take his sunglasses off. Maybe I'm even requesting that he sleep with them and permanently keep them on at all hours or staple them to the sides of his head. But then cultures like Hip Hop become mass produced, ephemeral or even devalued. While sunglasses attain and permit a status of more meaning and become sad symbols and representations as something superficial.

You SEE what I'm SAYIN?

x_magsalita.

push

2007-05-10T18:55:00.000-07:00

My daily internet rounds go a little somethin like this:
E-mail, MySpace, facebook, blogs, friends' blogs, sometimes CNN or the Mercury News.

Or, it goes like this:
MySpace, Facebook, e-mail, other e-mail, blogs, and back to another friend collection site like MySpace or Facebook.

Then sometimes I'll do it again, cuz you know, they're rounds and not lines.
Or maybe if I'm extra particular about whatever's clever then I'll go straight into it.
But when I'm feeling like I'm fresh or need to be refreshed, I'll hit up youtube.

There's just not a lot for me to choose from these days. Maybe I'm just in dire need of new sites or other creative minds so that I can salivate at the ideas of new ways to put words together. Sometimes when my fervor for reading is almost too much to handle and spoken word from my stereo just doesn't quite do it for me, then youtube comes in handy.

Here's the poem and the poet that I've been trying to locate (because I can't find my 2tongues CD):

If only I had entered college when I Was Born With Two Tongues was still performing...
This poem is the reason that I continue to listen.

x_magsalita.

promise!

2007-04-18T23:27:00.000-07:00

I will update soon. I promise! I have a shitload of things to discuss with myself in here, anyway. In an attempt to hold myself accountable for some juicy blogs, be on the lookout for future blogs about Lil Jon, New York (from I Love New York) and some more extensive commentary on things that irk the hell out of me.

My condolences go out to the families, friends and strangers that are deeply affected by this tragedy. Please take of yourselves and one another. Let's learn from this.

x_magsalita.

Re-evaluation.

2007-03-19T12:00:00.000-07:00

So I think I now have more of an idea as to what type of audience I'm typing to and attempt to provoke. Looking back, I don't think I wrote enough to satisfy my own thirst for new news or new perspectives. Being my own toughest critic, I wish that I had more time to think things through or used my time to be more concise or entertaining.

On the eve of presenting this blog to other people (for an official first time), I'm excited and afraid at the same time. For the most part, I think I've achieved the goals I laid out before I started this journey to re-vamp my blog. If anything, I think I forgot to comment on books or short stories I've read (but that doesn't mean I haven't read any, haha!)

My generation is constantly being called Generation Y. Why? After reading various youth articles, some people in my age group even refer to our entire cohort as Generation Y. Some call us the MTV Generation. I think that's even worse (although I do love me some MTV) for several reasons: 1) we will be known for sitting on our asses in front of a television set, 2-10) we will be subjugated by images of super sweet sixteens, dating shows, short skirts, hook-ups, sadistic comedy, and token documentaries of unique lives especially if one has a disability, a lifestyle that strays away from the norm or, if we're lucky, the rare do-good type.

I think that it's safe to say the I am a part of a blogging era. I like to think that blogs are an extra nonphysical space that allows my peers and I to see our names and thoughts in permanent print; a place away from diaries and journals and a step up from repressed words and beyond other peoples' expectations of our capabilities. I like that... acting, doing and simply being beyond other peoples' expectations.

We need to define ourselves. I've been in numberous situations where my age group (18-24) was still referred to as "kids." My response to that is... I don't think "kids" would be so invested in dictating our futures or spawn such interest in current events, the problems of our world or the pedagogy of our education.

So, like I said, we need a re-evaluation.

x_magsalita.

Hungry for Something Hawaiian.

2007-03-13T00:13:00.000-07:00

Let's try something new....

You wake up on a hot summer day. You get up, brush your teeth, shower (if you haven't already), throw on that shirt with the hibiscuses and palm trees all over it that you've been eyeing all winter, step outside in your new Rainbow flip-flops and feel the breeze. 'It feels like paradise,' you think to yourself. Since it is summer and all, you wake up early at noon and head over to your friend's luau-themed barbeque. You're chillin in your new overpriced board shorts from Roxy or Quiksilver, whichever gendered clothing brand with which you identify. You wish you could go surfing like you were in Hawaii, but you can't because .... well, you live in the city. So you fulfill your craving for Hawaii with the food served at the barbeque - some L&Ls Hawaiian Barbeque and pizza with Hawaiian toppings (pineapple pieces & ham) along with a soda that comes with a cute, tiny umbrella that you swear only exists to keep you from actually consuming the beverage. But hey, it looks cute, right? Then, the entertainment comes out. Your friends graciously hired a halau (hula school) to come and perform for the guests. The hula dancers - clad in their coconut bras, kukui shells, flowers behind their ears and green leafy leis tied around their hips and neck - look just like the rest of the girls at the party. But you know these girls are especially particular because they're browner than everyone else. Even their hips, shadowed by their sarongs, say so. At the end of this 30-minute cultural presentation, one of the dancers (that you swear looks like a real life Lilo from Lilo & Stitch) picks out one of your homeboys during the audience participation part of their performance. Attempting to teach the basics of Tahitian/Polynesian dancing, you see your homeboy actually agressively pressing himself up against this dancer. It's funny though, because he's known to be the clown, so you don't say anything. The dancers leave, and the rest of the party people start to tone down, by playing with hula hoops, watching The Disney Channel's Johnny Tsunami and drinking coconut juice. After an overdose on 'Hawaiian culture,' you're tired of the girls' crimped hair, mellow music and head home because everybody jumped into the pool and you weren't ready because you didn't have your bathing suit on. I guess you didn't get that memo, because everyone just assumed that it was part of the luau theme. You make it home with enough time to go and hang up the colorful, plastic leis you've collected throughout the day and place them with the dried flower leis and money leis from your high school graduation before your favorite new reality t.v. show, Maui Fever, comes on. What a day.

I'm obviously a reality t.v. show junkie and admit that reality t.v. is my biggest guilty pleasure. The MTV show, Maui Fever, is an unfair, digressive, bad, sickening representation of Hawaiians and Hawaiian culture. In the words of spoken word poet Bao Phi, "What up with all these damn movies about white people in Hawaii? Can't the indigenous islanders get some love?" That about sums it up.

But I can't leave readers hanging ten (hah, okay, that was a really bad pun!) like that.

Everyday interactions and the governmentality (government technologies) that instill certain values in everyday people. Yes. This is what I really want to talk about. Or, more about the everyday commercialization of 'Hawaiian goods' and culture.

Hawaii is more than a vacation spot known for its beaches, beautiful people, luaus, surfers or clear blue waters. All that is just an image. But the power of image is so crucial and substantial that we seldom look at exactly what it is that we are looking at. Here's a crash course of the facts that play into our perception of Hawaiian tourism:

Hawaii was colonized. Along with the Philippines, Guam, Puerto Rico and Cuba, Hawaii was colonized as a result of American imperialism and industrialization. When white settlers moved to Hawaii, they explored the land and dominated agrarian industries. Settlers also brought with them their Western ways and began to Westernize indigenous Hawaiians. Disease, European culture, views of the New World came along with settlement. The ways of the settlers, foreign to the Hawaiians, became institutionalized and therefore normalized. Hawaiians lost aspects of their culture, religion, government, and land in the early 19th/20th centuries. Haoles (foreigners) took over trade, established plantations (where Native Hawaiians became slaves) and inevitbaly claimed Hawaii as a part of the U.S. sphere of influence. Thus, the birth of capitalism on the Hawaiian Islands took place.

"Capitalism, in other words, relies on and encourages inequality and greed. Unlike the capitalist society driven by profit, Hawaiian culture places deeper value on land, history, and nature. Originally, Hawaiian society shared communal land, property, and wealth. If one person was poor, the entire community was poor. Hawaiians do not support capitalism, and therefore, do not like tourism. This creates a discourse that reflects and stresses these values. The result is two distinct discourses that have different perspectives on issues and establishments like tourism...Hawaiian culture existed long before tourism and has been exploited by tourism in the form of advertisements and items such as postcards. Along with the violence, endangered environment, and poverty, this exploitation is what the tourist industry does not want to show." (source)

For the show’s MTV cast of seven 20-somethings, it seems like either booze or hookups will do the trick. Mix the two and you’ve got a sure-shot remedy for MTV ratings during the off season from another of its reality series “Laguna Beach” with a hot copycat show that focuses on beauty and sex in paradise.
That’s the premise behind the premiere of “Maui Fever”: attractive young adults turning up the heat in an already warm climate.
The show aired Wednesday, and some Maui residents are wondering how to rid the island of “Fever” altogether.
“I couldn’t even stomach the first few minutes,” said Darcy Orosco, a Kihei mom who noted she was most bothered by the episode’s sexual content. “I thought I would give it a chance. I thought it would portray our island in a beautiful way. It’s just horrible for Maui – it’s embarrassing.” (full article)

Perhaps it'd be best to think twice about the content that pervades our t.v. sets and our minds.

x_magsalita.

Stop The Killings!!

2007-03-09T00:25:00.000-08:00

Right now, there's a movement going on in the Philippines (and even the U.S.) to further investigate the 830+ political killings that may be traced back to President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo (GMA). However, some sources say that the killings lead back to the communist New People's Army.

In an attempt to remain (I hate this word:) objective, I wanted to take a look at the political killings from the Philippine government's perspective. Although the 830+ count began when President Arroyo entered office, the information I look at begins with Malacañang Palace's (the official residence of Philippine President) decision to welcome the United Nations committtee into the Philippines.

The UN sent a 4-man crew to fly to Mindanao to investigate the political killings. This crew was sent to Mindanao (the Southernmost region of the Philippines), a mountainous region known to activists and community organizers as a sanctuary for those who were a part of organizations run underground during times of political upheaval (i.e. The Marcos Dictatorship). The 4-person envoy will investigate the plight of the people trapped between the government and various rebel groups. This paraphrased information is provided by a Filipino American newspaper - the seemingly conservative-liberal spectrum here absolutely misinterprets activist groups to 'rebel groups.' Flying to Mindanao does not uncover the reasons as to why these individuals must hide in the mountains in the first place; Philippine history is repeating itself.

The main man behind the UN investigations, is a V.I.P. named Philip Alston. Aside from serving as a mediator between these activists, the Philippines government, the UN and the rest of the world at large, he is also a Professor of Law and New York University.

President Arroyo has condemned these political killings and is working towards bringing the murderers to justice. In addition, GMA is aware of the lack of evidence, family cooperation of the victims and the involvement of militant groups. By 'militant groups', I assume that this is GMA hinting at the New People's Army as the culprits of the political killings. Strange how this rhetoric is asserted to work both ways. In terms of family cooperation, GMA implies that the families of the victims were in on their deaths or that they became victims because of their own mistakes.

It's definitely important to tkae in the patterns, trends and policies in context of the killings. In an investigation like the 830+ killings. Alston attempted to remain subjective. After 9 days in the Philippines, he found that the military was in "almost total denial" about the wave of political murders in the country. The argument of considering context deflects the amount of people that have been killed, almost making light(er) of the situation. Considering context also attempts to see the killings on a case-by-case basis, rather than as a collective pattern.

The Philippine government is also inviting more foreign groups for assistance. Other governments do not agree with the Philippine government and find it difficult to side with them. The international community's passivity is questionable. What are the repercussions of knowing something and not speaking up or not knowing anything and still stepping away?

The Melo Commission was sanctioned by GMA (as a part of Executive Order 157) to create and give a report on the political killings. Retired Supreme Court Justice Jose Melo released a report but the results have yet to be revealed to the public. Whatever the 'results' may be, the Philippines government will be acting on the Commission (UN Commission + the Melo Commission)'s recommendations. Also, after reading an article of Malacañang Palace welcoming the UN members, I read another article on the Philippine goverment finding the UN Commission unfair and inaccurate. What's going on here?!

In addition, elections in the Philippines are a major part of current events and I found it interesting that one of GMA's legal counsels was openly supporting General Jovito Palparan as an elective candidate. Gen. Palparan is al,so accused of being responsible for carrying some of the killings. If the latter holds true, this can be interpreted as the government endorsing the extrajudicial killings.

Despite politics, locations, power structures, language, media coverage or what have you, I BELIEVE THAT A LIFE IS A LIFE. No one should ever have the authority to take it away because beliefs clash and pose "threats."

Tell your friends about it. Stop the killings and keep dialogue going. So much for objectivity.

www.stopthekillings.org
www.cell68.com
www.bayanusa.org
...and hella other Pin@y blogs on blogspot.

x_magsalita.

yellow poetry.

2007-03-06T01:06:00.000-08:00

Kelly Zen-Yie Tsai's poetry is definitely growing on me. Maybe it'll grow and inspire you, too. =)

to be a martyr
by kelly zen-yie tsai

you must believe
in something
so unmistakably

that the flesh
falls away from
the skeleton

bones crumble
into air

all you are
left with
is spirit
pure spirit

you let go
of resurrections
rebirths, mad-
dash escapes

you accept
finality

the blinding
of the light

you are
truly committed

and for
the newspapers
that paint you
as a madwoman

and all the
detractors
who could not
believe

how heartless
and cruel this
foreign woman
was (and isn?t it
always a foreign
woman?)

how she didn?t
love the child
she held in
her arms

carried in
her belly 9
months before

how she would
just as soon
blow the child to bits
as guide her nipple
into its mouth

how she filled
the baby bottle
with lotion
fit for explosion

and they and the
plane would have
gone down in
charred flames

the mystery
wafting over
the atlantic

of how this
woman could
have ever loved
this child

to kill in the
name of jihad

but i say
it was not
quite that

it?s never anything
so impersonal

no, i say
it was right there

under her shirt
along the breast

tucked into
her baby?s mouth

as clean as
the milk that
leaked from
her chest

as natural
as the baby?s
skull against her
shoulder

something
as close as this
made her do it

without
hesitation

confident

that
this life
this way
was not worth living
for all

Here's some more of Kelly:

Fuck You, Forever 21.

2007-03-03T20:57:00.000-08:00

The OriGinal Fashionistas.

Please compare the image above to the images below:

Shopping at Forever 21 the other day brought about a great sense of nostalgia for me. I've seen these clothes somewhere, I thought. I feel like I have these clothes, too. After shopping around, I realized that these clothes are all too familiar. So familiar, indeed, that my own mother, aunties and cousins in the Philippines have clothes that look like these. Let me emphasize what I am implying with more proof:

The image on the left is a model showing off classic Filipina dress in comparison to more contemporary dresses. To the right, the 3 tops are taken straight from Forever21.com and are interestingly similar, almost replicated, from Filipin@ fashion. Last summer, I was disgusted with the Japanese-influenced geisha-like clothing line that Forever 21 displayed. This spring, I am outraged with the similarities and stylistic influences pulled from Filipin@ fashion and culture.

Why the outrage, right? Fashion always draws from other cultural styles. And it's a great thing that Filipino dress is gaining recognition in this world. Yeah, it's commercialized, but at least us Filipinos can buy our native dress. And other people will like these clothes and buy them and wear them, too. At least that means more respect, right? This is the type of discourse I've come across when I attempt to get other Pin@ys to see the my frustration with this type of cultural exploitation. Maybe that's too harsh of a term, but I definitely see it that way. Ninotchka Rosca writes about this "at-least" attitude that Filipinos tend to have, but "at-least is a cop-out." Frankly, I don't understand. As a Pinay, why is an aspect of my culture (colonized or not) being presented and modernized in America and passed off as the way in which a female should dress for this season? Pretty soon this stuff's gunna end up on the clearance rack. Attemping to explain this while being triggered is extremely difficult. That's it, though. This is good for this season. I wouldn't be surprised if the relationship between the U.S. and Philippines tightened up in current events over the next few months.

Teenagers (Americans & Filipinas, specifically) will be wearing these clothes even though they don't know that they are actually wearing a part of themselves! Pinays & allies - you are wearing your own commercialized, commodified, deculturalized fashion statements! Americans - you are wearing the result of U.S. colonization, sexual violence, slavery, cheapened labor, dehumanization and imperialism. Whose culture is lost and whose is kept? Are these clothes representative of Filipinas even though we come from a HIStory of U.S. colonization? Or do these clothes rightfully belong those who inhabit our "imperial center"?

I also can't help but think of these clothes a possessive investment in whiteness. Many females in the America covet a beach tan but still maintain their whiteness, not as a skin color but as a claim to resources or power, whereas many Filipinas already possess this darker tan but will never truly be identified as white. Who is investing in whiteness when these clothes are purchased? These clothes, given their obvious Filipina influences, will become normalized and sold as an American product, made in China. Speaking of China, how is it that a country that was once coveted for its expensive porcelain, opium and other crops is now a pawn in America's game of ~~world domination~~ globalization and world-wide capitalism as a source of cheap labor?

What is it, exactly, about Asian cultures that draw a curious kind of attention?

x_magsalita.

It's Fabulosity.

2007-03-02T01:34:00.000-08:00

Kimora Lee Simmons identifies as a Model, Entrepeneur and a Mother (in that order).

With this particular entry, I'm choosing to analyze the image of Kimora Lee Simmons in relation to the construction of gender and what it means to be a woman of Asian descent in mainstream media and Hip Hop. It's a lot to take on, but I want to provide more emphasis on looking at and listening to everything critically. I choose Kimora for several different reasons. In my opinion, she's an attention-grabber for (arguably) the wrong reasons.

After watching her ultra-hyped appearance, which was really a 2-minute stint on E! News (I don't know why I watch this crap), I was able to pull more from what she said than what she actually said. She repeatedly used the word/adjective/new transitive verb 'fabulosity' (also the name of her brand new cosmetics line) when describing the glamour of her new products, her life and her soon-to-be Barbie doll. Yes, a Barbie doll. She also stated that Barbie was her idol and that she was working with Mattel on the construction of Barbie Kimora.

In-ter-es-ting. As the daughter of an African American father and a Japanese mother, Kimora is from St. Louis and began modeling at age 13. "Kimora Lee Simmons is the American Dream....Kimora is the only multiethnic woman to have a successful fashion empire..." (taken from kimoraleesimmons.com) Her description as a multiethnic woman is key, because it seems as though her multiethnic identity is responsible for her success. This raises many questions, an opening of a 'can of worms', if you will: What is the American Dream? Who defines or is it self-proclaimed? Is being the only multiethnic mainstream fashion designer considered a true success? How is Kimora an example of the American Dream? To what can we attribute Kimora's success?

This conundrum arises from the two aforementioned statements taken from Mrs. Simmons' biography on her website. Kimora and the Baby Phat 'empire' was built on the foundation of gender roles and perpetuates concepts of how a grown woman should look, live and think. Kimora is an attractive figure of the American Dream in that her images reflect how a multiethnic woman is able to become economically stable and successful within the confines of the dominant white female fashion model industry. Also, her life's work is in addition to how an American woman should look, live and think. As if being multiethnic is a hurdle to get over in order to become American. As if an avenue to create a space for a more inclusive business and industry hasn't been explored yet or at all. Her constructed image does not recognize the disadvantages of ethnic/multiethnic entrepeneurship that become invisible when she is proclaimed to be the American Dream. Her image prolongs the disappearance of the vulnerability and hardships in attaining the Dream. Not all womyn look like the models she once was, not all womyn are looking to sex-ify themselves or find a date or please someone else other than themselves. Her work reinforces what those who are "all Hip Hop and all fasion" should look like.

Because of her marriage to proclaimed Hip Hop mogul Russell Simmons, her work is seemingly predicated on their relationship. Known as "The First Lady of Hip Hop," this title allows her to segue into the Hip Hop/hip pop consumer masses. Her knowledge and experience of the fashion industry is what unfortunately only allows her credibility. Her journey towards entrepeneurship began when she was chosen to head Baby Phat, a feminine clothing line that branched out from Phat Farm (created by Russell Simmons). This is also where her career becomes intertwined with her marriage because the birth of her company came from her husband's. Her clothes depict a standard body size (the same goes for every other clothing designer, I realize this), fit for a female-identified individual seeking to fit into urban youth culture who are willing to pay a little bit more than the ever-too-trendy Urban Outfitters.

It's come to my attention that too many people are spending waaaaaay too much money to emulate a style of a culture that was born from a place of struggle, poverty, the need for change, urbanism, immigrant influx and expression, among other things. And that those who once lived in or come from areas like The Bronx, are upping the ante on what it means to be a participant of the modern-day Hip Hop movement that Russell Simmons is proclaimed to have started.

I tie her initial identification as a model, entrepeneur and mother to personal priorities such as appearance/looks, money and family. This resume-like identity reflects the order in which she held each occupation but also completely isolates the factors of class, gender and race and the milestones that they actually are in the context of American society today. She was selected by elite designers to be model in their shows because of her "exotic" Asian, almond-shaped eye look and she is portrayed as a proud woman of Hip Hop - all of which are occupations that produce financial prosperity and the image we see as Kimora Lee Simmons.

So what would Kimora's Barbie doll look like? Because I probably wouldn't recognize the damn doll if her husband's doll didn't come with it.

x_magsalita.

A Deeper Scent of the Purple Rose Campaign.

2007-02-27T01:43:00.000-08:00

More facts and information can be found at gabnet.org.

When I type in the term 'Pinay' into a Google search engine, I'm given hundreds of sites that portray Pinays (Filipina womyn) as sexual objects, exotic models, or overseas workers. The latter usually isn't the case.

With so many pornographic and exploitative websites on the Internet in regards to Filipinas, I can see how they have paradoxically become synonymous with hypersexualization and invisibility. The bodies of these womyn are very present and visible, yet their realities and voices are kept silent. Images like the ones commonly found on internet search engines perpetuate superficial constructions of what composes the Filipina/Pinay identity. These images won't show hundreds of years of colonization or ongoing patriarchy and U.S. militarism or a flatlining Philippine economy (if it wasn't for millions of dollars in remittances) that indirectly forces Filipin@s to work overseas. These images won't show that womyn are tricked into the global sex trade.

Womyn and children have become an item of export as a result of economic competition. In the 1980s, then-President Ferdinand Marcos developed the sex-tourist industry as a short-term strategy to bring in international currency and minimize the nation's deficit. This "strategy" comes at the expense of womyns' lives and their families. Marcos capitalized on the portrayals of his countrywomyn and maintained strong relations with the United States and their military.

This issue, by itself, reveals a greater power structure that creates room for injustice, labor export, and the reinforcement of sex trafficking. General misconceptions place blame on individual womyn, view sex trafficking as a significant contributor to the Philippine economy or attribute this sense of hypersexuality to Filipinas' nature. Individual womyn are pinpointed as victims of their own mistakes yet they are tricked into leaving their homes to work overseas or in "factories" but end up in brothels, as mail-order brides or personal prostitutes to U.S. army men who frequent brothels conveniently located near U.S. bases in the Philippines. Sex trafficking as a "get-out-of-debt-quick" method is made taboo and validated for its financial prosperity. Costs are put on lives and sexual transactions are cheapened for cheap thrills. Because of such prevalence, sexual and human violations have become common activities.

The Purple Rose Campaign and what it stands for can be dissected in many different ways, and this is just one point of view that I choose to take. Go ahead and pull off other petals. =)

x_magsalita.

"Because resist is a beautiful word." - Emily Chang

2007-02-25T03:21:00.000-08:00

I've decided to take a new route with this blog. I'm attempting to have more focus and have more direction. I'm re-evaluating what this blog is, what it stands for, and what I'm trying to say/do/evoke with my words and thoughts. I want to deliver an alternative way to look at our world and have readers understand that I am constantly questioning, thinking, growing, changing and learning and every verb in between to inevitably figure out how to be a better person and find this in my community. Everything we do or absorb is rich with social meaning and I would like this blog to serve as a form of resistance against hegemonic ideals and perspectives. I've thought about this for a while now and here's what I'm come up with as far as what this blog's goals will be for the next few weeks (and yes, I do plan to update frequently):

point out, deconstruct and perhaps reconstruct images conjured up by current events, pop culture, media bias, history and historiography, my own personal experiences, language, music, social situations, etc.
write entries commenting on books/short stories/articles I've read and (don't) recommend
post other forms of media that are examples of resistance for the Asian American community and other communities of color (videos, spoken word, poetry, paintings, etc.)
continue to question, complicate, confuse and distort discourse on what "is" Asian American or Filipin@ American or American
always consider aspects of identity and socialized oppressions
write about a particular issue's relevance to youth today
offer deeper analyses to contribute and (hopefully) further already existing knowledge on notions of Asian America and its intersection with ... life!

It's definitely important for me to step back and rethink my purpose and approach. Here's to a rough few weeks. =)

x_magsalita.

21st Century, 1st Female Speaker-of-the-House

2007-01-04T06:33:00.000-08:00

Her agenda for the first 100 days as Speaker-of-the-House consists of increasing minimum wage and lowering the prices of prescription medicine.

Yes, she's Democrat and she's from California, but tell me why there are problems with her initial plans for the nation. As a student, I already make more money than a single Black mom that lives in Mississippi. And yea, I know that the wages are different but tell me why the poverty line is at $30,000 across the entire nation? And that I bet half of those people won't be able to afford lower-priced prescription medicine no matter what the House decides.

I just dislike the fact that it's such a milestone, in the 21st Century, to be a female that does something that men have been privileged enough to do since forever! This is something that's been on my mind for awhile now. As a female (and I see this in other females' situations), I'm always always always reminded of who I am perceived to be. I'm always reminded of being a female as if it were a slap in the face. As if I have to reminded to think or be a certain way. Just as Nancy Pelosi was declared 'the first Italian-American to be in a high ranking position,' I have to question her identification as such. It's interesting because she can easily be identified as white, and several websites and individuals already consider her white.

As she accepted this position, we can easily see several middle-aged, white women in the background supporting her. I say break out in song, throw up a peace sign, say the word vagina or do something that is louder than the red jacket you were wearing at the podium.

And damn, if it's taken forever and a day to elect a female to any high-ranking position, then why not do a news segment that focuses on why this is the way it "is." Reminiscent of the feminist movement's lack of concern for colored womens' lives and identities. I hope people don't think this is an improvement as much as it is still a hindrance.

P.S. I believe that if an individual is all for one movement and serves as a very public obstacle for another, then they are hypocrites. For example:

That is all.

x_magsalita.

"Some say I like to live in constant crisis, but I think I just actually give a shit."

2006-12-12T02:16:00.000-08:00

After watching this movie, I think I've finally figured out why our world's problems just can't go mainstream - just like how I think Common never should have gone mainstream with that fuckin Gap commercial (hahaha damn that's another story!). Just to give my own brief synopsis, this movie is about the diamond trade and two African men (played by DiCaprio & Hounsou) that pursue their own respective agendas as they both make their paths back to a hidden diamond that Hounsou's character placed near diamond fields when he was caught by the Sierra Leone's Revolutionary United Front (R.U.F.). Along the way, they meet a reporter played by Jennifer Connelly who aid both of these characters by providing them with the tools to achieve their itineraries. Oversimplified, yet there's more here. This movie ultimately brings the problematic process of the diamond trade into visibility (which is already problematic in itself, right?) and also heightens visibility of child soldiers, racism amongst white-skinned Africans and dark-skinned Africans, the U.N. involvement (or lack thereof) and guerrilla groups. I'm all for bringing about awareness but I just feel uneasy and very critical about every shape or form media that attempts to do so. But then how hell are we gunna know things? Well, that's what I have yet to figure out. But my super ultimate problem as to why the mainstream doesn't have the capacity to digest or even react to issues is because an omg-let's-do-something-about-it attitude is quickly is deterred. With what? With statements like "OMG Leo DiCaprio could have done a better job with that accent" and "The ending was pretty cool." Wow, moviegoers.. we are so hung up on our celebrities that we can't even give a shit about what's real outside of our U.S. bubble and our movie theaters.

The Gap commercial is next.

x_magsalita.

A real newsfeed.

2006-12-05T17:40:00.000-08:00

So I was flippin through some t.v. channels and I come across CNN (I don't know why I waste my time watching this shit) and I'm hearing commentary presented by the infamous Nancy Grace. Here's a watered down summary of what's posted on the website:

A 2-month-old baby girl drunk on vodka, four times the legal limit. How did this happen? Nancy Grace investigates. Tune in Sunday at 8 p.m. ET on Headline News.

As I watched, Nancy's prosecuting ways accused the baby's parents of attempting to murder their own daughter. That's a little extreme for a mother who thought that the bottle filled with vodka was water and accidentally mixed it with food for the baby. "Excusable," right? By this, I mean that I see it as a valid mistake. I'm outraged with Nancy's quick-to-judge attitude as she questioned the presence of alcohol around a newborn baby. She was quick to point out that this couple may be unsuitable for parenting due to their meager living accomodations (for lack of a better and more specific description) and subtly blamed the father figure for the alcohol.

I can't just watch t.v. anymore.

More importantly, it's unfortunate that almost every time I sit down to watch t.v., an act usually done for leisure and relaxation, I get riled up and vexed at the portrayals of select middle class stories that posit entertainment as headlines for the conservative, upper-class, white folks that CNN serves up. I'm tired of hearing middle-class white women speak up to blame rather than aid their fellow women and be given talkshows for daring to do so. Let's really try to see where we're coming from. Did this "story" really require an entire Sunday night segment? Did we really have to hear Nancy Grace argue with professional doctors, drug & alcohol experts, and the parents of the baby girl? What does the visibility of this "story" really mean? Damn... and if it's not Nancy Grace then it's Paula Zahn.

And on to other news (in an attempt to compensate for the mile-high pile of words and commentary that I've neglected to unleash):

Wii have a problem. In fact, wiihaveaproblem.com This site's existence make me laugh harder than the amp'd mobile commercial featuring E-40's "U and Dat Booty" song and the Asian/American guy in it. Being the sister of a once-hardcore gamer who idolized and made me tape The Wizard, the cousin of a now-PC games freak and after playing the role of the ex-gf who has generously paid the Nexus bill a couple of times, I can say that I've been around the gaming block for a while now. Excuse my generalizations, but I've put in enough hours to know a couple things 'bout how to play the game, how to master the game and how to pwn the game. I've spoken with a couple of wannabe-engineers that place video game production and all of its social manifestations on a pedastal and we've concluded that if you're gunna use excessive physical force to "swing", "hit" and "push" shit around to play a video game, then it's almost equally (perhaps more) beneficial to just HIT THE GYM instead. Playing a virtual sport as opposed to playing it foreal? What the hell is going on?! I'm not tryna rip on the Wii and its faithful fans, but
I just don't get the hype. Yet, I do understand tryna flip the price of a PS3, though, to turn a pretty penny into a couple of Benjamins. Chyeah so check that damage toll when you get the chance.

Remember my Model Minority Status entry? Well, here's a seemingly legit version of the article I commented on. What does this picture (to the right) show?

1. 1 white guy outta hella Asian students.
2. "Wow, no one goes to class except the Asians."
3. "Hah, must be a math class."

What does this picture (to the right) really show? Talk about looking for something and straight up finding it. This picture just portrays a small section of an entire lecture hall and just so happens to focus on an area with Asian-identified people. Read the article, it's ample food for thought. We need to take a look at the institutions in play rather than the propositions that are not.

Because I'm not all words all the time:

Because you showed that you would
do anything for your family. R.I.P. James Kim.

Aaaaaaand I'm back.

x_magsalita.

You're My Little Secret.

2006-10-30T00:16:00.000-08:00

Every other Sunday, or whenever I conveniently remember to do so, I check postsecret.blogspot.com and I remember all of my own deepest, darkest secrets and I wish I had enough time to make my own postcard to send in.

Oh, the joy.
x_magsalita.